Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Land of Puck: A Fairy Tale

If a man were to walk far enough he'd one day reach the Land of Puck. By all accounts it is a wonderous land. The journey for an outsider is fraught with peril. Mountains must be climbed and raging waters forded. One must be prepared for difficult weather as well if it is hoped to ever reach there. The journey's end though is worth the effort for those that ultimately succeed. For the Land of Puck meets and exceeds expectations for Puckophiles everywhere. Many many are stuck in the Land of Big Balls and Little Balls and just will never have enough balls of their own to make it to the Land of Puck. But folks in the Land of Puck are ok with that. They know what they've got going is "the shit". I suspect most who read this tale are pretty familiar with the Land of Puck. It is widespread in this world but those of us once exposed are blessed (and doomed) with it's touch. But I'll explain some things for those not as doomed as the rest of us.

There is a single item of cultural import in the Land of Puck. It is said that competition there has no equal in the world; all who dwell within it's borders share above all else; an unending desire to compete and win. And it is this passion from whence the fire is born. This common trait amongst Puckiens creates many many beautiful moments to be shared betwixt all. For while there is joy in one's victory there can also be joy in another's defeat. It is such dichotomies that make the world go round. Good and evil; Black and white; Them and Us. And so it must be noted here that all is not well within the Land of Puck. For it is a place where sinister forces also reside. And this my friends, is a tale of some woe which can be certainly be seen as cautionary. I recite it as it was told to me.

It wasn't unusual in the Land of Puck for clan members to occassionally wander amongst rival clans. In fact is was normal. This is a story about Wallace Sky who had a comfortable home and a growing entourage in Seaburg (a small city in the Land of Puck). Wallace was highly skilled and as we know Puckiens value skill and talent because it feeds the fires of competition. Wallace seemed happy with his place in Seaburg . His contribution to the ideal of competition was generally well received and his potential for notoriety seemed to be growing. Wallace had many friends in Seaburg and not just his teammates. Wallace and his family were from Seaburg. They chose it as a place to make their home. They were happy and had many friends too. The comrades of competition in Seaburg included many during Wallace's life there. Some came and went as that was the way of things in the Land of Puck. And therein lies the woe of this tale. For a sinister force was lieing in wait for Wallace. A sinister force called the Hahn'jil.

Once upon a time the Hahn'jil was thought to be an honorable sort of competitor. He'd luckily become aligned with one of the legendary masters of the Land of Puck; simply known as tLoo. tLoo was so revered because of his many championships (although truth be told ... many of those reverent followers were simply mesmerized by his goofy coiffure). And the Hahn'jil had indeed become his protege. Together the Hahn'jil and tLoo coveted many young Puckiens.

It's important to know that the Hahn'jil wasn't exactly an embodiment of evil yet the emergence of his sinister nature made many decry his name. Especially in Seaburg. Why there? Because the Hahn'jil was a Seaburgien. He'd grown up there. He'd tutored under the famous Seaburgien master Crush B. before he hooked up with another of Crush's students; tLoo.

tLoo and Hahn'jil greatly contributed to the competitions and once came close to a championship in SeeSee (on the back of a fine Seaburgien it should be mentioned) but it wasn't until some years later that their joint move to Miniburg (funny name since it's one of the biggest cities in the Land of Puck) that their dreams would come to fruition. In Miniburg tLoo and the Hahn'jil showed that their "Kung Fu" was very powerful. Things in that part of the world were great. They were riding high together. Then the Hahn'jil decided to strike out on his own and move back to his hometown; tLoo gave his blessing. It seemed a good move for the Hahn'jil as now his "Kung Fu" would be his own and he could put it to use the way he wanted and not be overshadowed by tLoo. So Seaburgiens were happy to welcome their prodigal son back into the clan. It wasn't long at all though and the Hahn'jil learned that his Kung Fu wasn't as strong as he told everyone and tLoo's Kung Fu was too far away to help. In fact it wasn't pretty for the Hahn'jil. Unspeakable forces were tugging at him. And suddenly in a great cataclysm he returned to the shadow of tLoo: unepectedly shocking the fair citizens of Seaburg. Betrayal was rightleously shouted from the rooftops. It wasn't a postive moment for the competitions and the Seaburgiens were forced back to square one (which wasn't a good place to be since everyone else was at least on step three or four). The Seaburgiens soon realized though that life was better when the people living in your village want to be there and they reached step two when . And they were happy again.

The happiness was short lived though. Because soon after reaching that second step there came rumors of unhappiness amongst some of the Seaburg competitors. It's never easy in the competitive Land of Puck to keep a group of competitors together (we all know that). But in Seaburg it seemed more than just the occassional unhappy competitor was the problem: there were several. Unusual indeed. To say the least. One of those several competitors was Wallace Sky.

It hadn't been a exactly a picinic back at step 1. Wallace knew of his own potential. Yet that alone wasn't enough to make the valiant Seaburg competitors successful again. But a step forward is a step forward and everyone knew the difficulties that would lay ahead to reach step three. All the competitors would have to work exceptionally hard. They'd have to strive and perservere through many challenges to make it happen. But Wallace and others were not quite happy. They might not make it to step 4 with the time they had left.

Then while wandering the forest one day he looked up to see the Hahn'jil coming his way with a big smile. The Hahn'jil's Kung Fu (reenergized by being in tLoo's shadow) had revealed to him that Wallace wasn't happy in Seaburg. Wallace waited patiently as the Hahn'jil approached smiling. With all the subtlty and aplomb of a horny spider monkey mounting some treetop trollop the Hahn'jil spoke his sinister almost unheard words, "The grass IS greener in Miniburg. We're almost on step 5. Get a release. Fax me." Fade to black.

Wallace awoke from a fitful sleep. Had he dreamed it? Had the Hahn'jil really offered him a chance to skip a couple of steps? He told a couple of his fellow competitors. They were unhappy too. And what do ya know? They had the same surreal experience. The Hahn'jil had spoken to them as well. Or had he? They knew he shouldn't for it was one of the many laws of competition that competitors had to get permission to contact other clans such as Miniburg. It was hard to know if they'd just dreamed it. Then a light at the end of a metaphorical fairy tale tunnel appeared. It was being shined by that master of masters; the revered tLoo. The Hahn'jil had indeed spoken to Wallace Sky. How else would tLoo know to complain about Wallace being forbade to send a fax to Miniburg? How would he know Wallace was even interested? Who told him that Wallace couldn't send the fax? Fairy tales have obvious endings. Poaching is clouded but those clouds can often clear. Ask Nick Reuheisel.


This story ain't over yet.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Outstanding. Wallace after all was the mastermind behind the infamous 3 on 1 that turned into a 1 on 3 the other way for a goal???? He can deke you out in a phone booth but that play showed his passing abilities. Hope to see him on his ASS in Sullivan Arena someday.

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