Predictions For the 2010-2011 WCHA

Predicting the future is hard.  There's this whole thing about the Universe being essentially random.  Quantum Physics and all that ya know?  Many many things are possible but separating the probable from the possible is the tough part.   That fact though didn't stop Nostradamus or Edgar Cayce or the Maya though ... right? 

So in the spirit of obscure symbology, arcane definitions and pure unadulterated supposition that is common to fake prescience ... here we go.

Prediction #1:

Nostradamus' Century 6, Quatrain 9:
In the sacred temples scandals will be perpetrated,
They will be reckoned as honors and commendations:
Of one of whom they engrave medals of silver and of gold,
The end will be in very strange torments.

I think the significance of this quatrain should be clear to every WCHA fan.  But I'll explain it anyway.  Bruce McLeod is history.  Whut?  Yep.  Obviously, the "sacred temples" are the WCHA's home offices in Denver.  While the "scandals" won't be of Bruce's making they nevertheless will be "perpetrated".  Bruce will do his best to paint the situation as "honors and commendations".   Platitudes aplenty will accompany his "retirement" regarding the great body of work that is his WCHA legacy.  But there will be much lament and pain as the WCHA moves it's offices to Omaha.  Research into Edgar Cayce's deep body of predictive work confirms all this.  Cayce said,

“Know this: that whatever situation you find yourself in, it is what is necessary for your development. An entity must apply in its associations from day to day a word here and a word there, one today, another tomorrow, and the next day, with the understanding that from such activities in word and deed, self-development will come... When an entity has prepared itself through constant forward movement towards service, the necessary circumstances for change will come about so that he may see the next step, the next opportunity... Haste not and be not over-anxious; for is not the whole of the building of his making?”

See?  Told ya.  I'm not about to break down all that sophistry.  Trust me though.  It says "Bruce is done" in there.  The Mayan's didn't forsee anything about Bruce.   Anyhow, no offense Mr. Commish, but hey ... you can't fight Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce.

And Prediction #2:

Nostradamus Century 9, Quatrain 18

The lily of the Dauphin will reach into Nancy,
As far as Flanders the Elector of the Empire:
New confinement for the great Montmorency,
Outside proven places delivered to celebrated punishment.

Tom Serratore will takeover as coach of Denver University.  Only a blind man couldn't see that the "Lily of Dauphin" is clearly Tom Serratore.  And reachinging into "Nancy"?  Only one school in the WCHA fits the "Nancy" metaphor.  That's right DU.  I know ... I know.  What the hell happens to George Gwozdecky?  Well the third stanza tells us ... he gets new confines and what could be more "celebrated punishment" than to take the head job in Happy Valley, Pa?  So yeah, Gwoz is out at DU and Serratore is in.  Wild stuff huh?  Don't believe Nostradamus?  Check out what the Mayans had to say which confirms this prediction:

"Konojel ri winaqi' kan kalaxib'en pe ri kolotajïk, ri junan kiq'ij, ri junan kejqalen, junan kich'ojib'al pa kik'aslen, xa achi'el k'a ri kik'ojlen, ri kinojib'al kichajin xa tik'amun k'a chi nimaläj konojel xtikajo' ki'."

Hey Thriteen Rabbit ought to know! You can't make this shit up.  Not even if you tried.  Who will be Tom Serratore's replacement at Bemidji?  John Hill of course.  Yeah ... that's just me guessing.  But I see tDon making the folks at Bemidji an offer they can't refuse after he Godfathered their asses into the WCHA.

Here's Prediction #3:

Century 3, Quatrain 6
After combat and naval battle,
The great Neptune in his highest belfry:
Red adversary will become pale with fear,
Putting the great Ocean in dread.

Yep.  Wisconsin University will be hit with the death penalty by the NCAA for agregious recruiting violations.  Allow me to break it down.  The first stanza is just a metaphor for the upcoming battle between "Neptune" (the NCAA) and the "red adversary".  And of course "the great ocean" in dread are the loyal Badger fans that will no longer be dancing around the Kohl Center.  For specifics about the recruiting violations we can turn to another Nostradamus quatrain:

Century 2, Quatrain 80
After the conflict by the eloquence of the wounded one
For a short time a soft rest is contrived:
The great ones are not to be allowed deliverance at all:
They are restored by the enemies at the proper time.

See?  I'm telling you, this shit is amazing.  Don't believe me yet?  Here's what Cayce foresaw regarding this Wisconsin thing;

"Cheater's never prosper."

Onto the fourth prediction.  This one will blow your mind.  Prediction #4:

Century 4, Quatrain 64

The transgressor in bourgeois garb,
He will come to try the King with his offense:
Fifteen soldiers for the most part bandits,
Last of life and chief of his fortune.

Fully half of the UND hockey team will be arrested after a drunken binge in which they break into Uncle Ralph's secret nazi bunker under Englestad Arena and make off with various Hitler memorabilia.  The UND adminstation will come down hard on Coach Hakstol who will boot the involved players and raid the USHL's Fargo Force for replacements.  And yep, the Mayans saw this one coming when they wrote ...

"Tuláakal wíinik ku síijil jáalk'ab yetel keet u tsiikul yetel Najmal Sijnalil, beytun xan na'ata'an sijnalil yetel no'oja'anil u tuukulo', k'a'abet u bisikuba bey láaktzilil yetel tuláakal u baatzile'."

See, it's not even open for debate.  If you can't trust the Mayans who can you trust? My last historically derived prediction is from another Nostradamus quatrain. Prediction #5:

Century X, Quatrain 29

In a cave of Saint-Paul-de-Mausole a goat
Hidden and seized pulled out by the beard:
Led captive like a mastiff beast
By the Bigorre people brought to near Tarbes.

St. Cloud State University ("a goat") will be forced to sell itself to the University of Minnesota, Duluth ("Biggore people").  In a unique arrangement of indentured servitude SCSU will be "led captive" around on a leash by their obvious betters.  Those poor "Tardes" in St. Cloud.  I almost feel sorry for them.  The students of the school will be allowed to continue classes at St. Cloud Normal School but will not be allowed to grow beards.  I know, that last part is kinda weird.  But hey ... you can't deny it's going to happen.  Even Cayce saw this one coming when he wrote ...

"This has been the problem throughout man's experience or man's sojourn in the earth; since taking bodily form, with the attributes of the animal in which he had projected himself as a portion of, that he might through the self gain that activity which was visualized to him in those relationships in the earth."

Ok then.  I think you see we're in for some wild shit over the course of the next year with regard to the WCHA according to the greatest prognosticators ever to put pen to paper.

Now for my predictions:

1.  UAA will finish 7th.
2.  Barry Alvarez will suck some eggs.
3.  Bemidji state will reapply to the CHA.
4.  Michigan Tech will get home ice.
5.  Mrs. Troy Jutting will cuckold her husband ... again.
6.  Bob Motzko will be seen hanging around Dodge Park in Omaha.
7.  North Dakota will hold a contest for a new name and ZEPHYRS will win.
8.  George Gwozdecky will unfold his arms and wear stupid pink ties picked by the Missus.
9.  John Hill will receive an honorary Doctorate from the U in shoe shining.
10.  UMD will not finish 1st.
11.  Colorado Springs own James Dobson will come out of the closet.
12.  Opposition fans will post some stupid fucking comments on this post.

So that's what I see happening with the WCHA in the upcoming year.  You are certainly free to dispute these predictions.  But who are you to do so?  Can you see the future?  No you can't.  Just be glad that I can.