Sunday, March 09, 2008

Sunday Potpourri: Whoring Edition

I like to give these little Sunday ditty's a theme. Today's theme comes courtesy of a Sunday afternoon streetwalker that amused my daughter and her friends as I drove them to the bowling alley. Inspiration is an odd thing. It cometh from whereth it cometh and that is the way iteth. Earlier this season after a difficult loss to Wisconsin I cursed the hockey gods saying:
Seemed like no matter what the Seawolves did tonight it wasn't enough to satisfy the hockey gods. To me that makes the hockey gods a bunch of bastards. Yep, I said it; the hockey gods are bastards. Their mothers are harlots and their fathers are wayward scum!
I meant it. I still feel that way especially after seeing their whoring mother walking down the street today. Before you get all worried that I'm going to jinx the team by disrespecting the hockey gods just be aware that they sure aren't going to come to UAA's aid next weekend in Colorado Springs no matter what I do. Nothing I could say would sway them to the Seawolf cause. All the platitudes and compliments I could come up with wouldn't make a difference. They're whores to CC; why else would they choose the Springs for their "Garden of the Gods"? And anyhow, supplication to some imagined deity in return for some kind of renumeration would just make me a whore wouldn't it? Not to mention it is soooo not my style.

Don't think for a moment that I haven't considered that what I do here is akin to whoring. I realized that last summer when I put up the "Donate" button in hopes of prostituting my way to the Final Five this year. I quietly took it down back in January because frankly it's complete lack of success was a constant reminder of what an ugly whore I must be. I think it's always better to be a slut than a whore. I'd rather give it up for free anyway. In that manner I get to enjoy it for the sake of it instead of feeling that I have to provide a service for some fee. I regret having been a whore and so I will not ask the hockey gods for anything. I'll just expect the Seawolves to overcome the obvious wickedness perpetrated by these overrated bullshit self-righteous dieties.

Alaska is pretty famous these days for it's high number of whores. The list of corrupt bastards grows and grows slowly as we learn that that Big Oil stuffed the pockets of virtually anyone that would open them. The latest was former Gov. Murkowski's Chief of Staff Jim Clark who whored himself to VECO or campaign fundage on behalf of the dumbass he worked for. I have to give Clark some credit though as he is the only one of these bastards that fessed up completely and apologized openly last week. It is somewhat of a hopeful sign that he hasn't seemed to personally have benefited financially. The sooner the Federal prosecutors get to the two biggest whores the better. Ben Stevens and Ted Stevens disgust me and the apparent amount of personal graft they received far exceeds the pittances that most of the other whoring corrupt bastards reportedly received. I saw Ted once in the Carr's Safeway Aurora Village store years and years ago. I threw up a little in my mouth back then. He's a decrepit old fart now so if I ever happen across him again I'll just point and laugh. His son Ben wouldn't be so lucky though. That punk ass whore would get some serious in his face confrontation action if I came across him. Alaska has had three right wing idealogues in Washington D.C. since forever it seems (Don Young, Ted Stevens and Frank/Lisa Murkowski). It would be difficult to imagine three (or four) stupider whores if you tried. None of the three whoring bastards has actually lived in this state in the past 25 years. Yet the dolts in this whorehouse of a state kept electing them. Why? Because they brought home the bacon. Man oh man. If that doesn't make Alaska a "State of Whores" I don't know what does. I'm mostly ashamed of my fellow voters here but like so many other things I have optimism for the future. If the world truly has any justice remaining then Uncle Ted and Auntie Don will lose their jobs this election cycle. I hope it does; though I have to admit a bit of cynicism adhering to my optimism. I lack complete faith that my fellow Alaskan's can really overcome their whoring tendencies though.

The WCHA regular season certainly had it's share of surprises for me this season. If Lammy didn't play so well for UND my predictions of a less than successful season for them may have been correct. But he did play exceptionally well all season and I was wrong. I did peg CC as the best team in the league. It really wasn't hard to see that. I called DU's year a probable rebuilding year. But the Pioneers really overachieved in my book. Or maybe just Brock Trotter did? In any case, I'd have to say I was wrong about them when I figured the highest they could finish was 4th. I pegged MTU with an NCAA playoff win before the season started and for the 1st half they looked to be living up to that. But down the stretch they seemed to have lost the magic and along with UAA are one of only two WCHA teams that won't get in the NCAA's without winning the Final Five and getting the autobid that comes with that. I said the Gophers were probably looking at a top three finish. And if Stoa hadn't been injured early and Okposo bolted midstream I probably would have been close to right. Duluth's record sure outpaced my predictions for most of the season but ultimately they landed in 8th place. They aren't out of "it" yet though. A WCHA playoff win and a couple of wins in the Final Five over the right opponent and who knows. They could see an at large bid. I picked SCSU as a likely WCHA road playoff team. But their two ties against UND this weekend locked up the last home ice spot for them. I may have overrated Wisonsin for two years in a row. I thought Turris would spark more offense but Bucky still couldn't bury the puck enough to earn a home ice spot. Sure they could still get into the NCAA's and then anything can happen (Michigan State proved that last year eh?) but like I said that is the case with 8 WCHA teams. My worst prognostication was with regard to Mankato. I figured they suck it up big time. But they got the Eaves trap down solid and managed to find a way to bag enough goals at good times to finish in 4th place and host the Gophers in the WCHA playoffs. I wonder if Mankato's AD is checking with the Xcel Energy Center to see if he can move his playoff games there as he did for a regular season game versus the Gophers a couple of years ago. I saved that for last since the guy is obviously a whore.

The biggest whore in Minnesota lately though seems to be the President of Bemidji State Jon Quistgaard. First he flailed his arms around in the "our program will die if" the WCHA doesn't save us dance. The WCHA responded by agreeing to try to schedule Bemidji more often and Quistgaard runs around called it a scheduling agreement. Funny that the WCHA never called it a "scheduling agreement". Now the guy is using the same sort of whoring extortion with the Minnesota legislature to get his school a new rink. Bemidji obviously has a long rich tradition in the college hockey world and they ought to get support to build a new rink I suppose. Tons of rubes in Minnesota think that the WCHA should add them as a member to save the program. I'm not opposed to any of that philosophically but I'll tell you what; Jon Quistgaard's whoring gesticulations that the sky is falling are souring me quickly. The program can move back to D3 and continue their rich tradition at that level. It's a tiny little berg with less than 15,000 people in the city. Sometimes selling yourself to the high rollers can result in some bruising ya know? Not every whore is suited to the Las Vegas strip. Some of them probably ought to stay on Spenard Road.


Will said...

If games are on TV we would be interested in getting together with other fans to watch the games. Maybe on one of the big screens at the Peanut Farm.

Suze said...

Woll, I don't think they are going to be televised. They might be on the B2 network though.

We took in the Avs game last Sunday as well as this past Friday and Saturday. Each game was a big loss. Boy do they look bad, and the team isn't being supported by the fans. What is it with Alaska hockey fans?

Anonymous said...

Houghton, Michigan is only 7,000....maybe we should throw Tech out of the WCHA then? Yeah, who cares about tradition...

Donald Dunlop said...

Tech has been Division 1 since forever. Bemidji has been Division 1 since 99-00. It is difficult for a small town to give the same sort of support as a large city to a Division 1 program. Heck, some large cities don't do a very good job of it (i.e.. Anchorage). So yeah, I implied that perhaps Bemidji isn't a big enough berg to support a D1 program.

I know that everyone wants to be warm and fuzzy toward Bemidji in their difficulties and don't for a second think that I don't understand their situation. UAA was in an identical situation when they were admitted to the WCHA. But that said, Quistgaards BS is too much.

It wouldn't bother me to see the WCHA admit two more teams and split into an East/West division.

UNO-Wisconsin-Duluth-Minnesota-St. Cloud-Mankato in the east and UAA-DU-CC-UND-Bemidji-Mankato in the west.

I'd advocate dropping the league schedule to 27 games. One 2 game series against each opponent in the other division and one 3 game series against each team in the home division. This would cut down on the amount of travel slightly and provide more of that "playoff" style atmosphere to each series.

Anonymous said...

WOW...speaking of whores! My ex-wife was one of the biggest whores Anchorage has ever seen, but now she lives guessed it...Pueblo, Colorado! What a funny coincidence! Somehow she still works for the Denali Commission though.

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