SCSU "Hot or Not": An Homage

With my well-known deep admiration for the practice of rating players by their looks today I happily present my own "Hot or Not" for St. Cloud State. I wish I could be gay for a a day. Then it'd be a much more pure homage to those female bloggers who grace the Internet with their opinions about male D1 hockey players looks. I tried, but alas, I can't. However my failure to attain gaydom-for-a-day will not prevent me from honoring the "Hot or Not" milieux. Since I'm really not able to judge the St. Cloud men's team, I instead present the St. Cloud Womens Hockey team:

#2 Abby Krause -- "Very Not Hot" -- You can see this chin coming around the corner before the rest of her.

#3 Diana Karouzos -- "Sorta Not Hot" -- The ability to eat corn-on-the-cob through a set of mini-blinds is useful in some rare circumstance but otherwise: Eeek!?!? @ them teeth!

#4 Jenaca Fredheim -- "Could Be Hot" -- A bit much perpendicular-to-the-head ear action. And "Jenaca"? Are we 'sposed to spray her into our mouth for minty freshness?

#5 Katie Kemmerer -- "Hotness" -- Pretty brown eyes. Well groomed. Attractive smile. And nicely proportioned neck. Must not be a Minnesota girl.

#6 Holly Roberts -- "Kinda Not Hot" -- Don't get me wrong here. I'm all about brunettes and I like an offset part in the hair. But without extensive rhinoplasty you'd probably have to look up and down and left and right as you talked to her. I didn't know a nose could give directions all by itself.

#7 Brita Schroeder -- "Not Hot" -- Take a look at Bob Motzko's picture and then this girl. Who cloned his droopy eyes onto this poor girl? She can filter your water removing lots of particulates though.

#8 Maggie Mickelson -- "Neither Hot nor Not Hot" -- I dunno. She doesn't make me want to turn and run I guess. I bet she reads a lot in her room alone.

#9 Brittni Kuyper -- "Not Hot" -- Jeff Gordon? Jeff Gordon from NASCAR plays women's hockey?

#10 Alecia Anderson -- "Freakily Not Hot" -- Wasn't she in some Lord of the Rings movie? What's with that coiffure? Get some sunglasses. Why do I think she picked #10 because that's as high as she could count?

#13 Felicia Nelson -- "Just Not Hot" -- Vampire teeth and ears that go 2 inches above her brow? I'd take her to a bar fight with me though.

#14 Laura Fast -- "Hot" -- Straight haired brunette with side part. Nice blue eyes. Pretty smile.

#15 Stacy Dey -- "Almost Not Hot" -- The 80's hair is just too much. I can't get past it. I'm not big on her nose. Parent shoulda named her Satur.

#16 Danielle Hirsch -- "Almost Not Hot" -- Just unappealing to me. Not my cup of tea I guess. I'd be worried she'd go all crazy legs and knock my goalposts over for no apparent reason.

#17 Marie-Michel Lemieux -- "Not Hot" -- Yikes. Her mouth is so out of proportion to the rest of her face that it makes it look like the bottom half of her face was grafted onto the top. Ever see those "if they mated" pictures on Conan O'Brien?

#18 Courtney Jesefson -- "Not Hot" -- Not to be mean here. But she looks like a rabbit.

#19 Amy Currier -- "Very Not Hot" -- Fargo. I don't think I have to say anything else. Less is more in this case.

#20 Carmen Lizee -- "Sorta Almost Hot" -- Maybe it's a strange call. After all she's got an odd chin and her eyes are sorta close together. But something about her is kinda sorta appealing.

#21 Sammy Nixon -- "Scary Not Hot" -- Can you say Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme? She was the former Charlie Manson devotee that tried to kill Gerald Ford. Did she lose her eyebrows somewhere or what?

#22 Megan McCarthy -- "Not Hot" -- Who snuck the golf balls into this girls cheeks. That's just not right. Mole excision is a low cost procedure someone ought to tell her about.

#23 Michelle Moen -- "Cute" -- She's cute. What else is there to say. She isn't "Hot". She isn't "Not Hot". Cute. Nothing more nothing less.

So there ya have it. Thanks again to those who came before me in publishing this sort of evaluation. This is my single foray into this realm though. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me.