Thursday, February 07, 2008

Ugly, Uglier, Ugliest and LetsGoMavs

Usually during the week I write more than I have this week. But knowing the proclivities of LetsGoMavs blogger Amy, I was pretty sure if I waited it out I'd have something good to post. You see, every week Amy gives her "Hot or Not" report on the opposition team. Can you imagine the crap a male blogger writing about NCAA Women's Basketball would get for rating the players looks? But alas, nobody really seems to get my intellectual abhorrence of this practice; so I'm not going to get into all that esoterica here. Instead, I'm just going to report her conclusions here. Seawolf Moms and Dads ... look what you've created:

Apparently only two sets of Seawolf parents have imparted "hot" genetic material to their progency. Congratulations to Bryce Christianson and Jared Tuton. Apparently Bryce is "rocking the hair" and Jared "looks like a bad ass".

Five of our Seawolf parents passed along a reasonable enough set of genes to warrant a rating of "just ok". Ken Selby has "the potential to be hot" and Brian Bales needs "short hair" to be hot. Merit Waldrop is "ok" but Amy is apologetic about his name. That's ok Amy; you don't need to apologize, I'm sure Merit's Mom is quite fond of the name. Amy's fixation on hairstyles continues as she thinks Sean Wiles "could be hot without the helmet hair" though she must like Trevor Hunt's hair as she thinks he "would be better with a smile".

The rest of you Seawolf parents have utterly let down the side. Though I'd imagine you are all fairly normal looking folk apparently you've created some not so normal looking kids (at least the ones playing hockey for UAA).
Kane LaFranchise- sorry about the Mr. Potato Head ears!
Luke Beaverson- hot name...ugly guy
Jeremy Smith- is it me or is his facial hair crooked? Or maybe his face is crooked? Odd.
Winston DayChief- ok, this pic belongs on a poster at the post office...
Kevin Clark- hey Archie, where's Jughead?
Shane Lovdahl- too femanine of a pose for me.
Nils Backstrom-blah. No color, no expression...blah.
Tommy Grant- looks like a rageful Karate Kid.
Craig Parkinson- nothing. Just uggo.
Chris Tarkir- what on earth is he doing to himself to make that face?!?
Paul Crowder- I think he spends more time styling his hair than I do!
Josh Lunden- seriously, did all these guys fall off the same ugly tree?!?
Luka Vidmar- this is why you do not smoke pot and style your hair like a porn star before roster pix!
Blair Tassone- just not hot.
Nick Haddad- just how many hits to the head has this guy taken?!?
Jon Olthuis- I bet it's his chin that stops the pucks!
Aaron Mayo- uggo
Mat Robinson- this may be his "I have to poo" look.
Brad McCabe- big nose, yellow teeth, dented forehead...uggo.
Peter Cartwright- ok, I'm running out of insults.
Matthew Gordon- has a weird Bobby Brady vibe...
So that's it Seawolf Moms and Pops; most of you failed miserably. I'm left but to say that I think the players ought to just chuck in the towel this weekend. You're all too damned ugly to win. It is somewhat satisfying (in terms of offsetting the "uggo" factor) though to this blogger that the wives of the Seawolf coaching staff are all super hotties.

And oh yeah ... Amy, nice Walrus picture. I really enjoy going down to Cook Inlet and feeding the Walrus. If you ever get a chance to come up here I'll be sure to escort you to this great place on the mud flats of Turnagain Arm and point you in the right direction. (Alaskans .. shhhhhh).

37 comments:

LetsGoMavs said...

Lovin' the Hot or Not again, huh Donald? It's all in good fun! I took it off for a while and then did it without comments and I had a ton of complaints! You would be surprised how much people get a kick out of the hot or not.

I'm sure many of your guys are hot in person. Roster pictures suck. I've said that for years now...and UAA's seem to be crappy this year. Weird lighting and whatnot.

Lighten up and roll with it:)

Anonymous said...

letsgomavs-I'm sure you had lots of complaints-they'll stop when you put that bag back over your head.

Go Wolves!

Donald Dunlop said...

Amy,
If you don't think you just had your chops busted as lightly as possible then you really need to develop thicker skin.

LetsGoMavs said...

Naw, I didn't think you went hard on me at all! I was expecting more of a lashing out.

May as well not send your fans over anyways...due to issues...LGM just went private an hour ago.

Donald Dunlop said...

What happened? Too many players moms showed up and cussed you out?

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see your picture Amy.

If you are half as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside we'll have a great time thinking up comments for you!

Runninwiththedogs said...

The thing is, Donald, female athletes are judged that way all the time.

Donald Dunlop said...

RWD:
You don't for a second believe that I wouldn't shout down such thing if I were writing a blog about a women's sport do you?

I'm certainly not aware of a preponderance (i.e. ... "all the time") of such things in women's sports. Some female athetes certainly are described as "attractive" or something that would equate to that. No doubt about it. But I'd guess the last truly negative thing said about a female athlete's looks was that ignorant fuck calling the Rutgers team "nappy headed hos".

In any case, if you can find anything sports related on the internet with more than 5 readers that describes any group of female athletes with like terms to Amy's post then I'll stop blogging.

And yes ... men were assholes to women for the last 60,000 years. But stooping to that level of treatment just because one "can" isn't really the finest utilization of the equality that women have finally achieved (at least in the western hemisphere) is it?

LetsGoMavs said...

The blog is back up...just different. I had to switch some stuff around beacuse I'm such an awesome blogger that I was getting stalkers:) Ha ha. No, just needed to change it up.

Runninwiththedogs said...

Well, everyone judges everyone on looks all the time. Actually, everyone judges everyone on everything all the time, we're all just afraid to admit it.

I guess you may be missing the point behind my argument. I don't really see anything wrong with a Hot or Not list for either sex. If that was the only way that male athletes were judged, that would be a problem. If that was the only way female athletes were judged, that would be a problem.

If someone did a blogger hot or not and I got called uggo, I wouldn't be crying or anything. Let's face it, I'm not that hot. HOWEVER, I am a genius and a brilliant writer, and that is far more important.

What I don't understand is why it bothers YOU so much. Unless it doesn't really and it is just another way to cause controversy. I mean really, you have put some controversial things on THIS site that go way beyond a simple hot or not, and you are clearly not serious although you enjoy the reaction from the unwashed masses. You need to explain this reasoning further. If you can say "How do you beat the Sioux? Rape and murder them!" (and then go on to qualify it) then what is so bad about the All-WCHA hottie team? Email me.

Anonymous said...

Wouldnt it be nice to beat the shit out of the Minne St Cake Eaters tonight.. Oh yeah ..how about Troy Jutting looking like JUGHEAD with glasses sporting a GAY lisp.....You gotta know that "Lets give it to the Mavs"(Im sure several at a time) is probally fat as shit which would make her a 9 in Mankato...The hottest Bar in Kato used to be called the Albatross or the TROSS for pigs like AMY to belly up to..anybody say SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

LetsGoMavs said...

Anon- Trust me...you'll NEVER offend me with ripping on Jutts. Nice try though.

Also, the Tross has been closed for years. If you're going to attempt a slam, get your info right.

444 said...

Lets Go UAA!!!

annabelle said...

GO SEAWOLVES!!!!!

Tonite the boys are going to have to get and maintain posession in the mavs end tonite. They struggled with that last nite. The puck ended up back in our end after every break out. Hard to create scoring chances that way. Tonite should be a better game.

By the way, totally inappropriate blog Amy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Donald sorry i didnt make this earlyer but i was a little angry we didnt look good like we never got off the plane. but I have faith that we will win tonight. GO WOLVES
p.s.
Mankato is a dog and monkey show city we sat at perkins for dinner 6 tables got served before us it took an hour and 30 before we got our food the rink is almost as shitty as the carlson, and the chineesse person had to call back to the restrant cause they didnt tell him how much we owed him for lunch, note to uaa fans better off in fairbanks.

Donald Dunlop said...

RWD:
I don't mind answering your questions here. First; No it isn't something I've posted just to be controversial.

Without getting into the larger societal issues of "looks" ... my objection lays in one primary perception.

Most male bloggers talk about sports in terms of "the game" they are writing about. Many many female bloggers have some sort of focus on the players "hotness".

Example: There are a fair number of female bloggers writing about the NHL. You've seen them I'm sure since you have some interest in that league. They all link each other even. In at least 90 percent of their cases you'll find references to cuteness in almost every post. The problem here is the perception that their male readers write them off as knowing the sport for doing so. This detracts from the overall credibility of female journalists.

Example: Suzy Kolber is a good sports journalist. She knows the games she covers. Yet Joe Namath completely and utterly dissed her with his "gimme a kiss" BS. As a man I was ashamed of my gender because of Namath. While I have to blame my gender in some sense for these sorts of things I also place some the blame at those things like "hot or nots" which turn up and give men the perception that women fans aren't truly "in tune" with the aspects of the sport they are covering which men are interested in.

Women covering women's sports is a beautiful thing. The women properly focus on the fundamentals or the game. There isn't a single female covering women's sports who would dare to rate the looks of the athletes they are writing about. All hail the women covering men's sports who do the same. Unfortunately, it is only about 10 percent of them from my experience.

So my perceptions summarized (generalized):
100% of female writers covering women's sport do so without referring to looks.
100% of men writing about women's sports do so without talking about looks.

then conversely ...

90% of male writers covering men's sport do so without referring to looks.
10% of females writing about men's sports do so without referring to looks.

Shouldn't the females who write about men's sports act reciprocally to the males who write about women's sports? My answer is yes they should.

The ones that don't aren't doing their gender any favors from the perspective of the dominant sports coverage gender. There are hundreds of female writers that would love to be taken more seriously by their male peers. The fact that so many females don't focus on the fundamentals damages their credibility.

No doubt there are lots of niggling little arguments that make my two "examples" less than perfect (bloggers aren't jounalists and if as a fan, a female is interested then what's the big deal). So please don't focus on them as the issue. They are only "examples" of the results of the issues I've described here.

I realize that part of Amy's "fan experience" is the "niche" of rating looks. Which is why I didn't dis her personally and instead chose to lampoon it mildly. As a comparison; I recently told "goon" from UND that he should stop blogging because he has no clue about the game. And he doesn't. He should quit. I wouldn't say that to Amy even though she brings little to the table in terms of hockey coverage because she doesn't pretend to act like she has hockey knowledge. She's writing from the perspective of her "fan experience" -- a personal perspective that I think all us bloggers try to bring to the table. In my book ... she is a "better" blogger than "goon".

Hope that helps (even though it isn't a very well organized argument ... I don't have to time today to make it more cogent).

Runninwiththedogs said...

If I really wanted to be taken seriously, then I know what it would take to do so. If women want to be taken seriously, but talk about how "cute" guys are and then wonder why no one takes them seriously, then that's a problem.

I just don't see the relevance of the argument, since as far as I'm aware, LGM hasn't ever complained people aren't taking her seriously. You've started this discussion before in relation to posts I've made, and if anything, I'd like to be taken less seriously.

The bottom line is, it's entertainment, and anyone who wants to be taken seriously in the sports world is sort of missing the boat. It's not like I'm too busy talking about hot doctors to cure cancer or something.

Anonymous said...

Rumor mill is bryce is getting the start..nows the time to step up!!To bad hes facing another sizzling hot team..Wecome to the big time..lets see what ya got..

Suze said...

Yup, Bryce is in net. First goal was pretty soft, he saw it all the way. But he did make some awesome saves too, including three point blank back to back saves in the first period.

Anonymous said...

this is unbelievable. Looks like a sweep and no points this weekend. Getting outshot almost 3-1.

Anonymous said...

unbelievable is right - it's time to play the players for next year. Our defencemen played a strong game, but the power play and our forwards struggled badly.

Anonymous said...

The shots were 42 to 24 Dominik Hasek couldnt have won that game!! whats with that first period?? 0 energy 6 shots but really only about one wrist shot from the blueline..that was the worst Ive seen UAA play all year..Shiak calls a time out and they come out flyin and get 2 quick ones..maybe he should put the skates on and show then how to play with a little heart..Have some pride guys

Donald Dunlop said...

RWD:
I believe a careful reading of what I said and you'd find that we're not too far apart on the subject.

I didn't go overboard with the issue or jump up and down that Amy sucks because she does "hot or not". I did make fun of it because irreverence is always a goal of my writing.

Had you not asked why it bothered me, I wouldn't have detailed the larger "credibility" or "being taken seriously" issues; which I clearly didn't associate with Amy (or you) either. In fact, I disassociated "fan blogs" from "journalism" ... at least I meant to.

I stand by my statement about male bloggers who'd receive endless shit if they did the same thing writing about womens sports. Maybe I should start a UAA Seawolf Women's Basketball Blog and see how the fans at Northwest Nazarene or Seattle Pacific like it when I call their female players "hags"? That's my whole point ya know? Don't think I'd be vilified for doing it?

How about this ... next week UAA hosts St. Cloud. St. Cloud has a female hockey team. I'll do a "hot or not" for them. Come see the comments section after I make that post.

Donald Dunlop said...

Seawolf fans:
I'll have an extensive breakdown and analysis of this weekend's series against the Mavericks tomorrow afternoon sometime. For now I've got a case of the yawns.

szzz said...

Two words:

Don Imus...

Anonymous said...

Who cares if they are "hot or not"!?
They are hockey players and their there to play hockey, although their playing last weekend was a little questionable.Anyways the point is you should be watching the game, not spending hours on the Internet trying to think of hurtful things to say about human beings.
get a life or maybe a heart.
GO SEAWOLVES!

Anonymous said...

Donald, how does the system work if a player wants to leave his current school and play at another div.1. school?

Runninwiththedogs said...

You know, Anonymous @ 11:04, it is entirely possible to do both. I mean, here you are on the Internet telling me to grow a heart (and I do have one, but it is cold and black and cruel), and miraculously, you aren't missing a game to do so! One wonders how you are possessed of so many talents!

D, I merely wondered why you kept bringing it up. I guess it's something to say, but I had the impression you really had an issue with it, since this isn't the first time you brought it up.

ALLEGEDLY, those gentlemen so lucky to be called Hott are pretty proud of the label. Not that anyone's ever told me that or anything...

Anonymous said...

Here we go players jumpin ship..This is a rebuilding year folks things will turn around...

Nin said...

I don't see many men blogging about a womens sport. Maybe once in awhile adding in a "and the womens team....." but a blog solely on a certain womens sport written by a man is rare.
You find me that and I'm sure there is reference to looks in it.

Anonymous said...

RWTD
i did not say you could not do both. i simply stated that you should not be doing one of them.
and thanks i been trying to find something im good at!

Donald Dunlop said...

nin:
I think you'll find you are mistaken with a couple of quick google searches. I easily found many male writers who seemed to be exclusively covering NCAA womens basketball. Take a look at the site called Hoopgurlz ... the majority of the writers there are men by a wide margin.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time googling and searching in order to prove my assertion since it really isn't that important. But if you're interested in challenging that assertion then I encourage to to do some googling.

I know I'm right anyway.

RWD:
I think I explained why I brought it up. I figured Amy would dis UAA players looks and I waited for her to do the post so I could lampoon it. In the strict sense of "bring it up" I didn't. She did. I responded. I only briefly mentioned that I abhor the practice. After that (and I am allowed of course to express my opinion) I've only "brought it up" in response to questions.

I still plan on the St. Cloud "hot or not" that I mentioned. I'm sure you'll monitor the comments.

anon @1125:
In 99.95 percent of cases the player first receives permission from his own school to contact another school. Then he does so. If they want him they say so. Then he transfers and sits out a year before he is eligible to play. There are some exceptions in special cases but I doubt that any of them would apply to anyone on UAA's roster.

There is a player on UAA's roster that I think would benefit from transferring. I'm not going to mention his name here.

Runninwiththedogs said...

Anon,

I don't spend hours doing it. Usually the insults flow freely from my brain. But if I ever need a conscience, I'll give you a call.

RWD

Nin said...

Hoopgurlz is not a good comparison to the type of blog that you, I, RWD, LGM, Goon, or any of us have so it makes no sense but I will not argue because even if you were proved wrong, you would make up something else to prove you were right until the next person drops so so I will just drop it early and save you the time and effort.

Donald Dunlop said...

nin:
I'll grant you that "hoopgurlz" isn't the same mold as us however it is a lot of men writing about women's sports without rating them on hotness. I found it with 5 minutes of googling. I think it partially makes my point and I have every faith I could find many more like it with a more concerted effort.

Lastly, I'm NEVER so rigid as to not recognize when someone else "wins" an argument. Most times that doesn't happen simply because the other person is too lazy to provide any proof. Instead they use some sort of sophistry about how I'll manipulate the circumstances instead of admitting my error.

I think my St. Cloud "Hot or Not" post this week will make my point. I encourage you to come back and read the comments. I also encourage Amy, RWD and you to passively read the comments. I will and perhaps in doing so we'll all learn something.

Runninwiththedogs said...

My brain is full.

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