Monday, November 10, 2008

No dUNDerheads Without UND


The astoUNDinly flat expanse encompassed by the borders of the state of North Dakota is inhabited by many more blUNDering fools that you might first imagine. No matter what the poor bastards do to enhance the almost nonexistent cachet of their geographic misfortune they are confoUNDed by the unceasing winds, lack of trees and embarrassing history. It is a conUNDrum for those in charge.

How could it be possible to attract new residents to the state without revealing the truth about the place? If Minnesota is the "State of Hockey" then North Dakota must certainly be the "State of mUNDane".

The U.S. government lists North Dakota as the least visited state in the union. What is there to do in North Dakota? Other than floUNDering on the tUNDra completely dumbfoUNDed, I can't suggest anything. I have to imagine that the majority of the rotUND population is moribUND for most of their adult lives. I suppose all those negatives are part of the reason that Uncle Ralph's marble edifice glorifying the plUNDering of the aboriginal inhabitants is filled every weekend. There is absolutely nothing else to do. Don't act all woUNDed by my assertions that North Dakota is best suited for the UNDead. I'm a dirty rotten scoUNDrel in between loads of filthy laUNDry.

Ever been to South Dakota? Except for the far western portion of the state it is pretty much just as flat as North Dakota. I must therefore ask ... why do we need two of em? It is completely redUNDant isn't it? North and South must be reunited. Ferchrissakes we fought two wars in Asia attempting to unite two other Norths and Souths; but we allow this unnatural separation between two places within our country that are vitually identical in their blandness?


27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why I hate North Dakota. I know exactly how this dude feels because I covered the state once from east to west. I don't think it matters what side of the road you drive on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3ikhvrYPHY

Anonymous said...

Just for the record you might want to dust off your video it has to be about 8-10 years old. The Governor of ND it Hoven not Ed Schafer, he is the Ag secretary in Washington right now.

Anonymous said...

Too funny. I so hope that Dirty stops by and watches the videos. This beats his Alaska jokes big time.

Donald Dunlop said...

That video is 10 years old? Say it ain't so ... shoot I bet that means there's lots more to do in North Dakota than I thought.

No? It's pretty much still exactly like that you say?

Anonymous said...

Has any one seen Dirtys blog with the count thats some funny ass shit Im thinkin the COUNT is also teamed with MRS MAGOO as far as there interpretation of shots on goal at the Seawolf games

Anonymous said...

youre a freaking idiot!

Anonymous said...

Donald, there are a ton of North Dakotans living in Alaska and I think you should rethink your negative attacks on that great state. If you want to have a hockey blog stick to hockey instead of Michael Moore-like attacks on the fine people of North Dakota. When the Sioux come to town there will be an equal amount of fans cheering for them as there will be for the Wolvies. Do you keep a day job? You seem to have an aweful lot of time on your hands to spew your verbal diarrhea. I enjoy your analysis of the team but please keep the childish stuff to a minimum.

Donald Dunlop said...

Anon@1025:
Are you kidding me? You must have no sense of the continuous heap of shit that UND fans have piled on UAA year after fucking year after fucking year. The drone of adjectives like "pathetic", "losers", "perennial basement dwellers" and on and on would go unchallenged if not for a few UAA fans and me.

While their hockey team has dominated UAA in the past that was never enough to satisfy them. A year doesn't go by that some DUMBFUCK from North Dakota doesn't actually try to insinuate that their flat treeless fucking state has more appeal than Alaska. It is absurd. The payback of pointing out that absurdity is always too much for them to handle. If I make some asswipe's head spin with something I've said here ... then good on me.

It's funny that you mention how many North Dakotans live in our fine state. I seriously doubt there is much if any reciprocation by Alaskans. Find me one that lives there and thinks its a better place than Alaska and I'll never bash their shthole of a state again.

I certainly didn't invent North Dakota bashing. There's been a myriad of funnier, more creative and intelligent people that have done so for many many years before I arrived on the scene. If I have the time and energy, then making a mockery of what you call a "great state" is something I'll continue to do as long as my fingers are nimble enough to type.

I didn't contribute to 150 years of repression and bigotry against the native peoples of North Dakota. But my awareness of the rampant racism against indigenous people in that state means I'm going to point it out. They are the ones actually defending the use of "Fighting Sioux" claiming it "honors" those people when it fact it dishonors and dehumanizes them.

I'm more than happy to allow UND fans to support their team for all the same reasons that anyone supports their own home team. However, UND fans in no way limit themselves to that sort of support. They are actively the biggest whiners on the planet. They celebrate Holy Cross's win over Minnesota as if it was a UND championship.

They regularly pummel anyone who writes anything remotely negative about their team. Ask the editors at INCH (write to Jess Myers and ask how much email he got for picking them 7th this year) ... Ask the editors at College Hockey News ... Ask the editors at USCHO and ask ANY blogger on the college hockey internet. One of them last year even threatened me if I ever came to North Dakota.

Lastly, ask yourself what in Christ's name does my job have to do with anything? Or is that a question you anonymously ask anyone who says something you don't like?

Bottom line: A shithole is a shithole and not pointing it out would be irresponsible on my part.

Next comment ... someone will point out how great their arena is and what wonderful attendance they have as if that somehow invalidates any of the truth about their state that I've said on this blog. And oh yeah ... if you think this minor dusting up of all things North Dakota is insulting then read what I wrote last year to be truly offended.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 1025:

You are probably a Minnesota Viqueens fan too you douche. Thanks for visiting the best blog on the net.

seawolvesfan said...

agree with Donald and great blog by the way just accidentely found this blog and now i can talk UAA hockey instead of getting the rare snipets of the boys of WOODY'S HOCKEY BLOG

Anonymous said...

Cry me a river and get over it. You really shouldn't be all that concerned about what UND fans think of UAA. The focus here should be on the hockey, the teams. And I know for a fact the guys on the ice for UND have the utmost respect for UAA, their program, and how they play. There's nothing wrong with confidence and faith in the team you support. But knocking the people or the state that originates that team is disrespectful and uncalled for.

Anonymous said...

There is a reason Alaska is dark half the year.Have you seen their so called women?Should be dark year round.

Anonymous said...

Go sioux!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me their women are called seawolves hence their nickname.

Anonymous said...

Talk about a classless piece of shyt who writes this blog.I suppose I would have to give somebody crap if I had to watch AA hockey all winter.The cellar is all yours.

Anonymous said...

ALASKA -- highest rate of rape and incest in the United States... must make you proud to be Alaskan!

proudsioux said...

Relax sioux fans. UAA time as a basement dweller will come to an end. Bemidji will replace them soon enough and UND will NEVER make a trip up to the ussr again. We also won't have to worry about this clown named donald duck. Donald douchebag, i invite u here this weekend just so i can see ur ass in the bar.

Rob said...

It's funny that you mention how many North Dakotans live in our fine state. I seriously doubt there is much if any reciprocation by Alaskans. Find me one that lives there and thinks its a better place than Alaska and I'll never bash their shthole of a state again.

Hi. My name's Rob Port. I run a political blog called Say Anything (http://sayanythingblog.com) and I live in North Dakota after having moved there from Alaska.

I was born in Alaska, actually. My father too. He was born in Fairbanks (my grandfather helped build the Alaska Highway) and I was born in Anchorage (Providence Hospital, to be exact). We lived in Wasilla. I went to Iditarod elementary. My sister, Katy, was a Wasilla Warrior with Sarah Palin. My father was an Alaska State Trooper. My mother worked at City Hall in Wasilla. In fact, in case anyone is familiar with the area, I actually went to kindergarten in the City Hall building, though they don't run a school in there any more.

I love Alaska, dearly, but after having lived in both places I've got to say that I like North Dakota a little bit better.

Now I'd ask you to kindly follow through on your promise and quit bashing North Dakota.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

So what is it you like better about North Dakota Rob? It can't be the weather or the scenery. Alaska has no sales tax, no state income tax, residents get several thousand dollars from the state every year.

World class hiking, fishing, etc. What North Dakota have that makes you like it better there?

Donald Dunlop said...

Rob,
I would stop bashing North Dakota. But you're clearly not an Alaskan in the intended sense. No doubt you realize what I meant or you wouldn't have limited your history here to the time your were 6 years old and moved to North Dakota.

Certainly in the strictest sense of what I said you are correct but I won't allow that narrow interpretation to dictate what I do when the intent of my statement wasn't related to birth certificates and elementary school.

I wasn't born here ... but I'm an Alaskan. Get the difference? Go ask your daddy if he thinks (in the sense it's been discussed here) that North Dakota is "better" than Alaska. My point wasn't to say that anyone or everyone would prefer to live in Alaska. I'm sure there are plenty of North Dakotans who wouldn't want to live anywhere else. However their personal preference doesn't make North Dakota "better" than Alaska except for them.

Lastly, the original statement I made was to enforce the difference between North Dakota carpetbaggers who come here in an attempt to get rich (many) versus Alaskans in North Dakota (few). That difference reinforces the Alaska is "better" argument.

And now allow me to say ... this is the STUPIDEST tangent that I've ever had to address.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You flipped on the stopping the UND bashing faster than Sarah on the bridge to nowhere. :)

RR said...

Pavlov was right. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

To: Anon @9:59,
"World class hiking, fishing, etc. What North Dakota have that makes you like it better there?"

A: Very few inbred Alaskans live in North Dakota.

seawolvesfan said...

to clear some of the crap u pathetic NDians have been spewing, (id hate 2 say this since i am native but if there was no villages and that incrediblely boring fairbanks alaska wouldnt b #1 in so many bad catorgories) we'll c whose laughing this weekend

Anonymous said...

Isn't this blog supposed to be about hockey? Why all of the hostility???

seawolvesfan said...

we take our hockey seriously and we may sometimes show our inner 9caveman) killer instincts

Anonymous said...

The ol' seapuppies are about to get their asses handed to them.GO SIOUX!!!!!!!!

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