Tuesday, November 04, 2008

An Unbranded Purple Calf?

The following preamble may at first seem a bit pretentious. I enjoy writing. I enjoy writing about hockey. I enjoy the fact that more than several humans take their own time and visit here to see what I've penned. But most importantly, my greatest satisfaction comes from the turning of a unique phrase or sentence. Nailing a situation with ideal descriptors quite frankly makes me proud. It isn't an event that occurs frequently. But once in a while I re-read something I've written here and my smug sense of pride swells exponentially. At the same time, I'm reticent to accept too much praise from readers without trying to be some kind of humble. There have been so many great sportswriters (not a category I consider includes me) worthy of my admiration and frankly if someday I can somehow be a snippet of a shadow of any of them, then I'll be happy. But none of that is going to happen this week.

It's Maverick week all around and I'm so incredibly sick of that word that hearing/writing it is damned likely to nauseate me. Thank Christ it's election day. I'm assuming that after today there'll be two less "Mavericky" things that I'll have to hear about. So that just leaves the Mavericks from Mankato to torment me and increase my sensory overload to that word. Is there really any chance that shrill harpee of a Governher might not actually come back to Alaska after today's ultimate FAIL? I'd convert to Islam and accept Allah if I thought that would make it come true. My disdain for her is almost matched by my apathy for MSU-M. Seriously, these guys are UAA's "designated rival"? Blah. Sigh. Ugh. Pffft.

I'd like to work up some sort of rival-like hatred for them. My derision would be so much more believable if I could find the same kind of passion as FBX inspires. But, pretty much the best I can do is say that I think purple is a ridiculous color and laugh at the fact that a school in Minnesota named themselves after an animal who's presence ever in the state is debatable. A cattle ranch in Minnesota? Yeah ok. Like that ever happened. Texas? Yep ... lots of em. Oklahoma ... sure. New Mexico ... uh huh. Kansas ... you betcha. Colorado ... sure. Wyoming ... yeah ok. Arkansas, Louisianna, Arizona, California, Nebraska? All more reminiscent of cattle and ranches than Minnesota.

Of course, some bumpkin from Minnesota is likely to show up and tell us all how Minnesota actually raises beef and yada yada yada. I'm rolling my eyes in anticipation of it. Ok so it's a better nickname than Colorado College. I guess if you have to hang your hat on something then "we've got a better nickname than Si Si" is better than nothing. Mankato's singularly useful contribution to the world is Sinclair Lewis. I would have added Happy Chef but their complete and utter failure in the restaurant world negates their inclusion. There's much to infer when you lose a battle with Denny's.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how in 1862 the fine citizens of Mankato (who by the way misnamed their own town when it was founded ... the name was supposed to be Mahkato but the only dolt with a pen in the town wrote it down wrong when it was founded) wanted to string up 303 Native Americans in retaliation for a minor uprising. Abe Lincoln pardoned 265 of them though so the fine Mankato gentry had to be satisfied with hanging only 38 of the savages. They made a big day of it and hanged them all at once. Woohoo! A world record!

For my Alaska readers I'd best compare Mahkato to Whittier for it's general insignificance in the modern world. It had it's purpose once, but no longer. It's definitely an anachronism. By my quick estimate (based on 2000 census data) there are around 750 people of African-American descent, 100 or so Native Americans and 20 Samoans in the city of Mankato. And you thought the University of Denver had diversity problems? I'm sooo sure (are you sensing the upcoming sarcasm?) that you can get some quality Chinese food from one of the 6 or 7 strip-mall based Chinese restaurants there. Mankato makes Grand Forks look like a 5-star resort destination.

That's it. That's all the crap I can possibly be motivated to heap upon that forlorn community this week. I'll be back tomorrow with a team preview. Expect it to be marginally more interesting than this but don't get your hopes up. I'm not Grantland Rice or Keith Olbermann.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR DESIGNATED "RIVAL" IN THE WCHA TO BE...IF YOU COULD PICK ONE OTHER TEAM?

Anonymous said...

They were known as the "Indians" many moons ago.

At one time there was also a structure known as "Tornado Towers" in Mankato. This was a high rise trailer park that was 70's era low income housing development. Tornado Towers was located on the eastern edge of the upper campus which is usually a pretty windy area. As far as eye-sores go it didn't get any better than that.

Donald Dunlop said...

anon@101:
That's a good question which has a sort of complex answer.

The concept of "designated rivals" was put in place when the league adopted Don Lucia's plan regarding the unbalanced schedule. Because of the number of teams and the 28 game league mandated schedule it is difficult to set up a schedule where teams are playing a representative number of games against each opponent. Lucia's solution isn't unreasonable I suppose. I guess would change the "rivals" on a rotating basis.

The idea was that with certain teams always matching up that rivalries would develop. But it specifically hasn't worked in the UAA/Mankato situation.

UAA's geographic isolation prevents such things. However, natural temporary rivalries do occur. There were several years where UAA and Wisconsin were developing some bad blood. That was fun. More recently I'd characterize CC as the team where some bad blood occurs. Those were both dependent on playoff matchups.

The only real solution would be to reduce the manated # of league games and have everyone play everyone else an equal number of times. But that ain't gonna happen either.

There are two teams that I dislike more than the others ... SCSU and UND.

Was that an answer?

Oh yeah ... the ALL CAPS thing is considered YELLING ... so unless you're Keith Morris (who apparently can't help but yell ... ) then please try to not use them. Thanks. Heck ... even if you are Keith Morris please don't. Thanks.

rr:
I'm all about certain aspects of Political Correctness ... specifically the ones that irritate the anti-PC crowd who CONSTANTLY moan about PC situations. In other cases, I deviate from Political Correctness just to irritate the other people.

I know .. I know ... I'm a dick.

Kris said...

Umm I am in AK, born and raised and still live. My dad was raised in Minnesota on a farm and they had cows but it wasn't a cattle ranch or anything more dairy. It obviously wasn't anything to give reason to naming a team the mavericks. I just had to be that guy, sorry Donald.

My complete disdain for Mankato is actually right up there with fairbanks actually. Obviously fairbanks is more hated but mankato must be next on my list. I guess it started as I watched Backes and the rest of the purple goalie eaters ram our goalie (which I think was Lawson at the time) every time they came down the ice. It was like hmmm we are going that way might as well try to injure their goalie, which I believe they did. Besides the fact that you look at Troy Jutting and his face just makes you want to punch it. I just don't get that school or hockey team. Did I mention they were purple cows??? People try to make fun of the Seawolf mascot but come on purple cows!

Anonymous said...

It wasn't the Mav's who injured Lawson, it was Denver.

Anonymous said...

no it was the mavs watched david bakise (or how ever its spelled) dive head first into his leg and get the goal. also went to mankato last winter and the town is a sit hole sat at perkins for a good 45 min before getting our drinks they said we were going to be discounted for the 2 hour waste of time and took $3 dollors off mankato world class service.

Anonymous said...

I should have been more specific. In the early seventies Mankato state changed their nickname from Indians to Mavericks. Possibly due to the Honeymead plant making the air in Mankato smell like a stockyard. Just a guess though.

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