Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sunday Potpourri: Dear North Dakota

This week is minimally special for me here at the UAA Hockey Fan Blog. Over the first couple of weeks of the 09/10 college hockey season, I've taken several little shots to demean the state in which you live. Some of you are just unfortunate enough to live within the borders of the state but are probably otherwise fine people. But the fact is that some demarcation is required to limit my insulting behavior. That happens to be the borders of your state. You don't see me dogging any assholes that live across the river in Moorhead right?

So by default; unless you're a Native American, if you live in North Dakota then you're going to get lumped in, stereotyped and/or disrespected by me this coming week. Aboriginal peoples are exempt because you and your neighbors have historically shit on them more than enough. Haven't you?

It's not going to be personal or anything. I'm not going to show up on your blog, facebook or twitter page and post your individual criminal history. I really have no idea about your personal character. You could be a fine upstanding buddist-temple-going moral equivalent to Jesus. I don't know. You could be a baby raper that graduated from SCSU. But in either case, this week you may feel personally derided by something I say here.

Of course, you shouldn't take it personally. You should consider the milieux of the college hockey blog world and allow that to moderate your anger. But you won't. You live in a craphole of a state and part of the result of that geographic misfortune is that the rest of the world quite properly views you as unreasonable and ignorant. And that judgement by the rest of us has colored you. It is shit that has stuck.

Your best recourse would be to leave the state as so many of your fellow citizens choose to do year in and year out. Or blame it on those NoDak Ex-Pats that populate the series of tubes. Folks that have some connection to UND from California to Maine pop up on this series of tubes with all manner of crowing and lame shit-talking. They make those of you courageous enough to live in North Dakota look bad with all that. It's a shame.

Look anywhere on the Internet and you'll see what I mean. YouTube is loaded with videos making fun or your state. There are all sorts of webpages dedicated to the same effort. I know the classic answer is "We like it just fine here." That's just completely WOW to me. Nobody really even tries to defend the harsh criticism ... I guess nobody can. As brilliant and articulate as I am, I'd have a helluva hard time defending North Dakota. Perhaps since you "like it just fine" there, then you won't really be offended by anything I say? Good on those of you who feel that way. I bet you were born in South Dakota.

Your state has been defined as crap by our culture long before I found it funny to bash. Since it's impossible to retaliate against my geographic region (that means Alaska RuLEz!), I expect some of you will come here and try to lay down some smack on me personally. I guess all I can say is give it your best. I have plenty of confidence and a vocabulary that's extensive enough to make you look foolish. My publicly available transgressions against society have already been documented here so don't waste your time creeping through government databases in some attempt to "expose" me. Some other stalker beat you to that.

And yeah ... there'll be plenty of hockey talk. I even plan to examine the team you all love; I'll closely and carefully analyze their potential.


It's early in the season Seawolves fans. A day after the bitter disappointment of losing to RMU and a bit of reflection means that I'm not so down about it as I was. 3 separate 5 on 3 penalty kills are hard to overcome. I'm not happy that so much time was spent in the penalty box. I guess the referee's were just getting their jollies? Doesn't matter. Nobody purposely committed a penalty. Every Seawolves player wanted to win that game. They've all got to be just as bummed that they lost. Hopefully, they've all put it behind them. This coming weekend conference play starts and our boys are facing a daunting series of opponents.

First UND at home, then Minnesota at the John, then Denver comes to town before the Seawolves head out to Madison. It's as difficult a 4 week schedule as any team in college hockey faces. A loss to RMU can't be dwelled upon. Everyone needs to have their heads screwed on straight and be as physically prepared as they can be. Veterans need to set the tone in practice. No bullshitting around. If any freshman on this UAA team thinks the next four weeks are going to be anything like the last four then they're fooling themselves. The competitive nature of WCHA games is a solid step above what they've seen so far.


The worst commercials on TV are The Ladders commercials. It's fine and dandy that a service for exceptionally qualified people exists so they can be matched up with companies looking for exceptionally qualified workers. But since the majority of us aren't exceptionally qualified then what's the point of making us out to be mini-Godzilla's with impotent fire spitting capabilities?

Hopefully, exceptionally qualified people don't actually need some pretentious fucking employment service to place them in an exceptional job and that fucking company goes out of business. Do you think the people that work for The Ladders are exceptionally qualified? I doubt it. I wonder how they like working for a company that disrespects them? The Ladders certainly doesn't have an exceptionally qualified Advertising/PR company doing their TV commercials.


Chris Collinsworth is an unabashed ultra-putz.


Curtis Glencross isn't. 3 goals and 1 assist in 8 games with a team leading +/- of +6.


In case you haven't seen it. And gawd only knows how you couldn't have ... this 9 year old did this during some sort of promotional shootout contest before a Bruins game last week.

I've got questions ... what did the next kid do to follow that tough act? Would you want to be the next kid to shoot in that contest? Are that goalies friends in 4th grade teasing him incessantly on the playground now? Why don't these kids that we see on these videos ever seem to grow up to be big time players? And is true that Red Berenson already made him a partial scholarship offer?


Runninwiththedogs said...

I believe that kid committed to Wisconsin. So did 72 other people.

Anonymous said...

Has UAA been kicked out of the WCHA yet? Your team is wasting every WCHA teams energy in playing you Eskimos. Your players should return back to fishing or whatever the hell you Alaskans do to make money.

What are the chances of hearing a pin drop at your arena this weekend?

Looking forward to your posts Donald. Should be an interesting week leading up to the game(s). :)

Donald Dunlop said...

Normally I'd just delete racist comments from North Dakota but I'll leave this one from Minot up.

Saying the word "Eskimo" isn't normally considered a racist term. However, in the context you are using it ... it is racist.

You are attempting to demean the Seawolves players in some manner ... your choice of the word Eskimos in that effort therefore is a blatant racist act.

I'd imagine that there in Minot you and all your Anglo beer swilling buddies don't have a problem sitting out on your porch making jokes and laughing about the people who inhabited that region for thousands of years before your ancestors even dreamed of running rampant in pursuit of their Manifest Destiny.

But that isn't how I roll flatlander. See the difference between you and I is that I respect Native Americans. Both for their cultural additions to the United States of America and for their courage in enduring the heap of shit your grandfather, great-grandfather et al poured upon them in that area of the country.

The Lakota people probably would have been willing to accommodate your ancestors desires to utilize the resources of the Dakota's but your greedy fucking father's father's father wasn't. So he and other greedy fuckers murdered, tortured and repressed those aboriginals from way back when to the present.

That's right. Present day hostility and abusiveness toward the original Americans is a proud hallmark of North Dakotans today. You all vigorously defend your precious logo of a decapitated Native American and cling to a name that doesn't honor but instead mocks them.

How any defender of that logo and name can sleep at night is beyond me. Doing so is de facto agreement and positive acknowledgement of a couple of hundred years of brutal human rights violations.

As to our arena and how many people will be there? On average, more people will be there than attend college hockey games at the following schools ...
Air Force
Michigan Tech
Notre Dame
Lake Superior
Bemidji State
Western Michigan
St. Lawrence
Ferris State
Ohio State
Robert Morris
and others ...

As to what Alaskans do for money. It's a variety of things ... besides providing around 50% of the seafood consumed in the USA, it provides about 20% of the US domestic oil supply.

There is a thriving tourist industry representing billions of dollars in revenue to Alaska businesses who bring the dream of visiting The Last Frontier to fruition for those people. Some 1.7 million visit Alaska annually. For many of them it's been a lifelong dream to visit Alaska. How many make North Dakota a destination? What you people call tourists are just people driving across your bleak wasteland to get somewhere else. Was it ever even ONE person's lifelong dream to visit North Dakota? I doubt it ... unless it was perhaps someone dedicated to the study of historical genocide. NoDak would be high on their list.

I promise it will be an interesting week. Hopefully, that culminates in the complete embarrassment of the UNDies on the ice. If it doesn't that won't change the facts I've listed above.

Jimjamesak said...

I'll say it...


That is all.

Anonymous said...

Clark and grant are going to fill north dakota's net all weekend.
Look out sioux.

Anonymous said...

Lol, I'm glad I could ruffle a feather. If I could roll my eyes that is what I would be doing right now.

My use of the word "Eskimo" was not to be racist but a generalization of calling all inhabitants from Alaska "Eskimos." Oh my!

Laughing at Native Americans who reside in ND? I'm 1/2 Indian you idiot.

But now I see that you are very easily trolled and I didn't even have to say much.

Anonymous said...

Go away Dirty.

Anonymous said...

Eskimo--eater of raw meat or some such thing. It's why Inuit don't like its use, apparently. Here in the Great White North we have a footfall team (I know, it's not the NFL, but we like it) called the Edmonton Eskimos. Are Washington Redskins a racist organization? Atlanta Braves? ND Fighting Soiux? Carolina Crackers? Toledo Trailer Trash? Edmonton Europeans? I don't know. Let's take a deep breath and hope our Seawolves put up a good show against a world-class organization (with a world-class rink!. -30-

Anonymous said...

Same old boring banter with the flat-landers, yawn...

Anonymous said...

Just for the record Minot is not on flat land it's in the Souris River Valley area. Swing and a miss Donald.

pulasts said...

Sounds like Donald is patronizing Native Americans to alleviate his own white guilt. On another subject, I hope ND smokes UAA. Oh one other thing, my screen name is whatever the word verification window comes up with.

Anonymous said...


What does it matter that people have created websites and youtube videos about Nodak being shitty? You sound like Goon. Everytime he is called out on an assinine statement he makes, he rallies by claiming he knows "a bunch of other people who think the same thing." Also the top youtube "favorited" video right now is titled "Eating BLENDED Taco Bell." Maybe not the smartest or most insightful people over there on youtube.

Secondly, I thought you were supposed to be original man? Come up with some new stuff. Yes North Dakota is mainly flat, yes people leave our state, yes it is cold here, yes ND has a low population, yes it is mainly a white population. We have heard this all before check out Goddard's website if you don't believe me.

Thirdly have you ever been to North Dakota?

Lastly you say nobody ever tries to defend Nodak, I will give it my best:

Studies say North Dakota is the safest state in the union.

Nodak is great for hunting and fishing, which many of its residents participate in.

UND is home to an aviation program which is consistently rated among the top programs in the country.

ND is the only state in which there has never been an earthquake.

North Dakota currently has the lowest unemployment rate of any state in the country.

No matter what ND city a person lives in, it never takes more than 15 minutes to get anywhere in town at any time of day.

That's all I have for you, have fun ripping my comments apart.

PS Your extesnive vocabulary makes me sleepy.

A Seawolves Fanatic said...

Anon @ October 17, 2009 10:08 PM you are competely right, I was watching the NoD game vs. Minny, and we are gonna get stomped on all weekend: if we do not control the puck, we need better passing, and our D need to consistenly help out whoever who is goal. We need to buck up, and step our game up or it's gonna be a long weekend when I finally make it back to the Sully for the first time this year.

And, Derek on the broadcast of the Bobby Mo game brought up a good point that the end boards on both sides are the same height all the way around, and multiple times for us, the puck when out of the rink when we've cloud've cleared the puck, or in the O-Zone, espically when we got the power-play in the 3rd period.

Donald Dunlop said...

Look up the words racist, racism etc ... in the definition you'll find words like "generalization' and "stereotyping" ... I typically wouldn't decry stereotyping. I do it here all the time. But stereotyping with a word describing someone's race is a racist act.

Next ... the old "I'm half" argument/excuse combined with "that's not how I meant the word". The first is invalidated by the original act. You were trying to bash/insult UAA players so you called them Eskimo. In your mind it was an insult. So ... regardless of your protest otherwise it was a racist act. When I was 9 years old running around Wichita Falls, Texas with my little playmates ... when we kids had an argument the most common word that came out of our mouths was nigger. "You're a nigger" ... "No you're the nigger ... you niggery niggering nigger".

We're we 9 year old racists per se? Did we "mean it" in the context that we were implying that our playmate had brown skin? No. But, we were certainly using racist words in a racist act. We were ignorant. At best, you too are ignorant.

An adult from Minot using the word Eskimos in an attempt to demean UAA hockey players = me at 9 years old calling a playmate nigger during a dispute. Same thing. Matters not if you're 1/2 Indian (most likely a LIE).

It was (as I said originally) a blatant racist act regardless of intent.

And you are a flatlander. Differences in topography of less than 500ft make it so. Minot is from approxiamately 1500ft - 1800ft above sea level in general. Flat baby flat.

pulasts from FBX:
If I had any "white guilt" then would there be something wrong with patronizing? No. It would be an act of reparation. I don't however have any white guilt. I have a firm realization of the crimes white people perpetrated during their conquering push ever westward in search of their Manifest Destiny (i.e... God told them they could do it).

Since you live in FBX you (like me) probably have an excellent sense of who Native Alaskan peoples are. So defending racists from North Dakota could only come from your desire to see UAA lose. Is that really a good reason? I didn't think so.

And please don't ever fucking spam my comments section with irrelevant bullshit as you did yesterday evening. That was a blatantly childish act.

Donald Dunlop said...

Anon@ 11:39:
Good on you for trying to defend ND. Nothing wrong overall with a bit of local geographic pride. I hope more people attempt the same during the week.

The power of big oil has certainly propped up the North Dakota economy nicely. Based on experience with same here in Alaska, I'd warn your leaders to maintain much caution with regard to bedding down with Mega-Oil. They seem like a nice clean good partner ... but ultimately ND will likely catch something nasty from the relationship. Get out the Jimmy Hats.

And old material to some is new material to others. Even Robin Williams or Bill Hicks got stale if you watched them enough. And I'm certainly neither of them.

Your sleepiness is your problem. My vocabulary otherwise is dazzling.

Anonymous said...

I'm not gonna waste my time reading your unnecessary long responses.

Honestly, I have nothing wrong with Alaska nor the UAA hockey team. All I did was troll in a douche baggery and insensitive manner that you like to do all the time. And if you say when you talk smack about ND isn't insensitive then you are just blind.

What I must remember is that you aren't the lone representative of UAA's fanbase(thank god). Your just the only one with a blog. Other UAA fans besides yourself are really nice. I could even name a few.

And yes Minot is definitely (flat baby flat) lol. Wow.

Donald Dunlop said...

I made no claims with regard to sensitivity or insensitivity. Of course bashing NoDak is an insensitive act.

And nice is definitely a matter of perspective. I'm certain my regular audience finds me "nice" at times as well as over the top, mean and/or a complete asshole at other times.

I have several purposes here ... I try to supply a sense of the program to those that aren't local. I try to give my analysis of things I see on the ice (FWIW) and I try to entertain. All are done to varying levels of success.

The last thing I am ... is blind to how I say things and/or any controversial things I say. I've never claimed anything I've said here is anything other than MY opinion.

I'm not a reporter. I'm not a journalist. I have no desire to be. I do have a desire to express myself and I'm lucky enough to have a readership that mostly understands all that and keeps reading. Regular readers know that I semi-regularly offer up this blog to any UAA fan that is willing to make something close to the same effort I make here.

I'd actually prefer to be a reader and part-time contributer versus carrying the water by myself. So far ... nobody has taken me up on it. But I promise ... no guarantee ... that should anyone come forward to meet the challenge of providing anywhere near what I do here that I'll hand them the keys to this rig in an instant. I wouldn't require that they be entertaining or creative or anything like that. Just that they'd write readable previews ... good recaps of some sort and offer some occasionally insightful information.

Anonymous said...

As someone whom has lived in multiple states I find it pretty entertaining to see someone from Alaska bashing ANY other state in the union. Entertaining isn't the only word I could use; ironic, delusional, and stupid also apply just as well. Especially that your critique is based on college hockey. Since when has anyone ever considered UAA a powerhouse in anything? Least of all hockey. Most times, a UAA win over anyone is just considered a speed bump in the losing team’s schedule. Speed bumps, while annoying, have never been considered significant. And bragging about your status as a speed bump? Since you are so concerned with state borders I guess that is the limit of your experience and/or mental capacity. Don’t get me wrong. We all like to root for the home team, but maybe, just maybe, you should consider getting outside of your state and taking a look in. Then you just might appreciate what it’s like not being in Alaska.

Anonymous said...

^ and that post is something that I was able to fully read. Good response sir. It's to bad that no one hasn't yet. Seems UAA fan presence on the internet is very few(not as bad as other college hockey fanbases though).

And I now since I think I'm done with the lipjacking I do have a UAA hockey-related question. Will we expect to see Shyiak(sp?)rotating goalies or will he be sticking with one? I remember Bryce Christianson playing pretty good but I saw that Olthuis played the last 2 games?

Also a UAA poster on USCHO said 3 defenseman are out? Who is it specifically?

Anonymous said...

Hunt, Backstrom and Vidmar are the defensemen out with injuries. Olthuis has been playing well so he continues to start.


Anonymous said...

The game starts friday in anchorage, und hopefully will be tired from the long flight.
Yes we are short a few defenseman, but the forwards are scoring more than unds. Will be a interesting game.
All the best Seawolves.

Donald Dunlop said...

I have lived in Texas, Colorado, Alaska, Mississippi, California, Nebraska. I have spent extended periods (more than a month) in Louisiana, Florida, Ohio and Wisconsin. I have travelled through virtually every other state at some point in my life with the exception of Maine, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Georgia, South and North Carolina

I have vacationed in Hawaii, South Dakota, Missouri, as well as several states I've mentioned above. Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, North Dakota and Alabama are all just places where I've exceeded the speed limit to get somewhere else.

There is NO PLACE in the United States that begins to compare to the grandeur that is Alaska. Canada has more than a few provinces that compare favorably to Alaska in terms of scenery. But no state in the U.S. does.

Nothing I've said here regarding North Dakota has ANYTHING to do with hockey. Your reading skills are seriously lacking if you assert otherwise. Not surprising to me in the least.

Anonymous said...

just had a little break to check on the No Dak's facts...

1. no earthquakes..realy

On Monday, July 8, 1968 the State Capitol Building trembled just a little. Governor William L. Guy's secretary thought there had been a sonic boom. Others in town reported that coffee had sloshed from their cups. Most people, however, apparently had not felt or recognized the tremor for what is was - an earthquake. The quake had an epicenter a few miles southwest of Huff, North Dakota and it was felt over a 3,000-square-mile area. The effects of the earthquake, which included rattled dishes and windows and wood frame houses that creaked, were felt in Huff, Bismarck, and several other central North Dakota communities.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, there is actually a Huff, ND south of Bismarck. Simply amazing.

Anonymous said...

The problem with UAA clearing the puck over the boards up in _airbanks was due to the boards being 1-2 feet lower than they are at the Sully. Along with the bleachers, just nother example of a crappy barn.

dead_rabbit said...

Something we finally agree on DD, Chris Collinsworth is a huge douche. Now go fuck yourself!

Anonymous said...

dead_rabbit, you are such an idiot.

Anonymous said...

Scratch my earlier assertion that you are entertaining, delusional applies. Not about hockey? I’ll quote your blog, as follows:

1. Title of your blog - UAA HOCKEY fan blog. Web log for me to spew whatever I feel like while providing more original HOCKEY content than any other single college HOCKEY blogger on the internet.

2. First paragraph - …here at the UAA HOCKEY Fan Blog…

3. First paragraph - …09/10 college HOCKEY season…

4. Fourth paragraph - …the college HOCKEY blog world…

5. Fifth paragraph - …some connection to UND…

6. Eighth paragraph - …plenty of HOCKEY talk…

7. Nineth paragraph - …losing to RMU…

8. Tenth paragraph - …First UND at home, then Minnesota at the John…

9. Tenth paragraph - …team in college HOCKEY faces…

10. Tenth paragraph - …A loss to RMU…

11. Tenth paragraph - …competitive nature of WCHA games…

12. Second embedded video - A HOCKEY game

13. Third embedded video - A kid scores a goal playing HOCKEY

Now, you can attempt (and fail) to say I took ALL these examples out of context. But that is why I cited in which paragraph they can be found, if for nothing else to save space. Even the loosest interpretation of your “blog” gives the impression it is about hockey. I do feel a little guilty about this post. Because it feels an awful lot like I’m picking on the fat kid that can’t defend himself.

Anonymous said...

Looks like someone was PWNED!!!

Ted said...

Anon (and really that is such a looser way to post) DD did not say this blog has nothing to do with Hockey. He said his comments about North Dakota had nothing to do With hockey.

This is what he said:

"Nothing I've said here regarding North Dakota has ANYTHING to do with hockey. Your reading skills are seriously lacking if you assert otherwise. Not surprising to me in the least."

Seriously, did you get an education at ND? If so, I'd ask for my money back.

Also, how do you know someone is racist?

They start sentences with the phrase "I'm not racist because..."

As in I'm not racist because I have a black President.--Dane Cook

Or even better "I'm not a racist. I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children."
Judge Bardwell

Anonymous said...

I was waiting for someone to make this spurious argument. I am surprised it wasn’t the author first. So I will respond by further using his words to prove my argument.

To wit: “Nothing I've said here regarding North Dakota has ANYTHING to do with hockey. Your reading skills are seriously lacking if you assert otherwise. Not surprising to me in the least.”

Again, I must cite the opening paragraphs of this slack-jawed troglodyte’s opinion piece.

“But the fact is that some demarcation is required to limit my insulting behavior. That happens to be the borders of your state.”

“So by default; unless you're a Native American, if you live in North Dakota then you're going to get lumped in, stereotyped and/or disrespected by me this coming week.”

I love that he used the word default. Ipso Facto is in play here.

Is this not evidence of his including Grand Forks? And we are all aware the UND hockey program resides there, correct? If any further illumination is needed for people that don’t understand what I’m driving at, there is nothing I can do for you. Refer to my earlier post that shows the author references hockey no less than five times, and UND specifically twice. Learn how to construct an argument and diagram a sentence.

By the way Ted, LOSER is spelled with one O. I can see your education is really paying dividends. Now who wants their money back?

Ted said...

Are we to assume from your argument that Grand Forks in General and UND in particular exist only for Hockey? Since only two members of your hockey team are from North Dakota, wouldn't poking fun at North Dakotans (sorry if that is not the right word)naturally exclude the hockey team?

You are assuming I meant loser when I wrote looser. Okay, I really did, and you caught me. Damn private school education.

Anonymous said...


You apologize for your own comment and then blame your “private school education” (dubious at best/color me super impressed). That is the best you could do (not a question, that is a statement). Terrible. F.

Donald Dunlop said...

Anon Dummy:
If they gave a PHD for "straw grasping" then you my friend (and by "my friend" I of course mean "idiot") would the the preeminent Doctor of Straw.

I'm sure you think the commenting process (in the case of this particular series) is some sort of contest of words. But here's the thing dummy ... which anonymous are you? You and I can't have a "contest" if you don't first ID yourself in some way.

It's simple. Give yourself any sort of unique moniker you choose. Use that to post here and you and I can have an all out war of words all season long if you want. You don't have to register or anything like that. You just have to choose the "Name/URL" option below and whatever name you choose will appear at the top of your comments.

Then I'll know "it's on". How about that? Here ... I'll be nice and suggest some names in case you have a total lack of creativity ...

1. FartKnocker
2. Smegma
3. PusExtrudingMaggot
4. SpunkSniffer
5. VacuousWasteOfSkin
6. OwnedByDTP
7. LooserThanACrackWhoreAtCrosstownLounge
8. LuvsGettingADirtySanchez
9. DirtyLittleWiperOfOtherPeoplesBottoms (<--- I stole that one)
10. Misanthrope

#10 would be my recommendation for you.

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