All About St. Cloud

In previous edutainment posts regarding St. Cloud, I've examined things like the snowmachine to population ratio of that fine community, shown bus ride videos, examined the history and even introduced you to St. Cloud's own Superman as he unsuccessfully battled Darth Vader.  I consider it my responsibility to edify my readers about the communities surrounding our opponent's schools.  Here's what Superman had to say when Minnesota Public Radio profiled him ...

"I'd say my first purpose is to represent truth, justice, and the American way, which is what Superman basically stands for," he says. "And because of the terrorist attack and because of all the corruption in our society and so forth, I think that it's very important that we revitalize that image, and I think it's very important that we all unite, all Americans who love justice and truth."

Nice.  I'm really against people who don't love justice and truth. aren't you?  Those people who hate justice and truth shouldn't be united with those of us that do.  I for one, am glad there was a guy standing on a street corner in St. Cloud representing for all of us.

My Anchorage readers will not doubt recognize some of the stunning similarities between St. Cloud, Minnesota and Wasilla, Alaska.  They both are somewhat outlying from the largest population centers in their respective states.  Both have a sort of small town feel.  You know, the places with strip malls, limited hospital services, clear signs of past unabashed resource development, methamphetamine production, trailer and trailer-style living, extensions from major universities, poor traffic control practices and a certain smell at one particular time of the year that is unforgettable.  

The similarities are striking.  It wouldn't be really fair though to completely characterize Wasilla with a St. Cloud analogy.  St. Cloud's growth is mostly stagnant and Wasilla is one of the fastest growing areas in the U.S.

But both places do share a commonality with regard to empty headed political bimbos representing them in some way.  Wasilla of course is the home of the crown princess of stupid bitch posers, Sarah Palin.  But close on her idiotic heels is U.S. Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann.  Bimbo Bachmann at least get's her Minnesota accent naturally instead of contrivingly inventing it like Sarah did.  WooHoo!  Point for Bachmann eh?  

They both feign religiosity to further their political careers while scrambling to hide the moral failures of their early lives.  'Scuse me for a minute, while I run to the bathroom and puke as is my want whenever I write about either of these nimrod wastes of human skin.

Remind me to not eat Chimichanga's for breakfast before mentioning either of those two again.  Anyway, St. Cloud does at least have a more diverse population than many other cities in Minnesota of similar size.  There is a distinct and active Somali community there.  Good on them.  I bet there's several hundred more people of color in 91.75% Caucasian St. Cloud than in 92.55% Caucasian Mankato for example.  

Why do I often go on about the lack of racial diversity in small town Minnesota?  Because I believe it speaks to a certain mindset of the white people there (and other places in Sarah Palin's "Real America").  It isn't so much just to paint them negatively because in most cases the population demographic is really just a reflection of natural forces; but instead to point out that living in a place with such narrow diversity can lead to narrow thinking.  So am I saying that people in places like St. Cloud and Mankato are narrow-minded?  Um .. yeah.  Pretty much.  It's not their fault, but it is what it is.

I found a nice slideshow that will give you a bit of a sense of life in St. Cloud.  This slide show was put together by their Chamber of Commerce of an event celebrating their 100 year anniversary as a town.  Don't be afraid to click the link, you'll only have to watch a few slides to get a sense of what life there is like.

A quick look around restaurant review sites found this little gem which was enough for me to cease my exploration of dining options there.

by Cory Mohammed Lidle 12/10/2008
This place sucks like everything about St. Cloud. It's funny when you look at restuarants for St. Cloud on Yahoo Travel; there's nothing but chain restuarants and this over-priced, generic burrito joint. It's even more funny seeing losers praise this place. They have no clue like the rest of people that associate with the armpit of the world that is St. Cloud.

In my other searching, I found this ringing endorsement of St. Cloud replete with a boatload of comments confirming the conclusion.

The author of a book called “The Absolutely Worst Places to Live in America” says St. Cloud is only good for “dazed and ill-prepared college students,” “mall rats” and “obese buffet grazers.” He added, “If the endless below-zero winter doesn’t kill you, St. Cloud’s soul-killing culture of sheer hopelessness surely will.”

So is there anything remotely redeeming about the St. Cloud area?  Sure there is.  Kurt Haider is from there.  And I can't imagine he was eVaH as stupid as the dorks in this video.  But I guess this quarry cliff jumping thing could be kinda fun.  I'd give Bob Motzko and his overly tight fitting 80's Britannia jeans 2 more years before he bails from living there, if he even does live there.

So while you're waiting for actual hockey content here.  Enjoy this 7 minute compression of a nearly three hour trip through Minnesota to St. Cloud.  Scenic, ain't it?