It's possible, yet mostly unlikely that you might not be aware that I really (as Justin Bourne says) "sports hate" all the other WCHA teams. I think it's part of my function here. This is a blog for fans. It's meant to relate to the fan experience. Hating the other guy is part of that. And let's be clear, I'm not an equal opportunity hater.
I reserve special levels of haterism for some teams while cutting a wee bit of slack to others. I rag on the bergs of certain teams while laying off some others. I suppose it's just whatever I find to be most ludicrous that gets my attention. Some shit presents an easy target. I like the easy targets, I'm lazy.
This season of course there are two new teams ripe for my derision; The Bemidji State Beavers and the Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks. And since they're travelling to Bemidji this week, then I feel it's my responsibility to edify everyone about the true nature of this newest and podunkest of the podunkbergs in the league.
First. Don't watch much more than a minute or so of the video below. I personally can't make it much longer than that because quite frankly ... it's dumber than the "HAARP Rainbows" video I made you watch last week. I know that's hard to believe.
How delusional is Lumpy? At the 14 second mark on the video you get a shot of the back of Lumpy's T-shirt. It says ... "The Matt Album ... Featuring .. Last Shot ... MVP ... Volume 1 ... In Stores Now???" Someone once said, " Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son." Sage advice.
You may have noticed the strange picture at the top of the post. Here's the backstory. Bemidji is little and really boring. So this past summer in order to attempt to inject some life in the otherwise lifeless hell on earth the residents endure, the city sponsored some sort of street sculpture with a "Beavers" theme.
The picture is the submission from Deborah A. Davis. Do I really have to explain what you're seeing? Anyway, as soon as the sculptures were "installed" on the downtown streets there was quite the uproar from some of the more tight-assed folks in the community. As you might guess, there are lots of old people of northern European extraction who tend to be pretty Victorian about such things. Naturally, the city took the thing down.
But of course, as soon as they took it down ... the arts community rallied to get the thing put back up. I'm sure it was quite the 1st Amendment Constitutional battle. The "arts" folks beat the "old weejuns" and the sculpture was reinstalled in all it's full vaginal glory. Yay for the Constitution right? I do have to ask here ... which idiot government representative in that town thought "beavers" would make a good theme and didn't anticipate exactly what they got?
So in a city of just under 12,000 folks there's both Matt Brown and Deborah A. Davis? I humbly submit that there's not enough room in that berg for both of them. I've got to side with Debs though and recommend that they expel Matt post-haste.
Bemidji is boring. I said that right? Seriously, there is zero interesting history associated with it. Duluth has it's early 1900's lynching of 3 African-Americans, Mankato has the world record for mass hanging of Native-Americans. Buttmidji (as RWD blogger Donna calls them) doesn't have anything in that range off human offense. By the way, I totally stole that dumb video from her blog where she made fun of it last January.
Sure, Bemidji got in on the whole Manifest Destiny trend of the late 19th Century but it seems they were mostly nice to the local Indians and with only somewhere around 800 African-Americans residing there and pretty much all the Native American's living in one of the three refugee camps surrounding the town it appears they've got the race issues that plague so many other cities in the U.S. well in hand eh?
The highlight of the Bemidji history tour seems to the the first U.S. Postmaster's three or four year battle to get the bigwigs in D.C. to change the "official" name from Bermidji to Bemidji. After that tussle it's pretty much been downhill in terms of excitement.
So what's there to see and do in Bemidji. Um how many places do you want to visit that are called Paul Bunyan? Cause Buttmidji has more joints called Paul Bunyan something than any other place in the world. Yeah they do.
What else? A ski area called Buena Vista. Buena Vista means "good view". Um ... subjectivvve! There's the Forestedge Winery ... yum .. Rhubarb Wine. Yeah .. you betcha. I'm sure the Summer Blush Strawberry-Rhubarb has the "old weejuns" pining for the fjords. Rounding out the cultural excitement there is the exciting Cover Wagon Rides, Paul Bunyan's Animal Land (on Highway 2!) and Bemidji Woolen Mills. I know ... quite the breathtaking lineup eh?
As far as I can tell, the best restaurants in town are located on one of the many Paul Bunyan streets, boulevards, drives, parkways or circles. There is one Chinese restaurant and one Mexican place. I can't recommend the Mexican joint since the one review I found for it online said it had "terrable service". There appears to be two Dairy Queens.
I wonder if anyone has ever pissed on the Paul Bunyan and Babe The Blue Ox statues? Not that I'm in any way suggesting that anyone from Alaska who might happen to be in Bemidji this week should consider doing that. Ok Richard?
Yeah, we'll get to hockey tomorrow. Yeah ... you betcha. I have a secret treat planned that hopefully works out for later in the week. If it doesn't happen you won't miss it, but if it does it might be great.