Monday, November 15, 2010

Memoire de la Rencontre Avec des Fan de Saint-Cloud


As sure as the sun rises, you can guarantee that douchey newbs from Minisoda will turn up on the internet in various venues to crow about how awesome their hockey teams are.  It's like bread and butter, stars with planets and used condoms with dehydrated spunk on Spenard Road.  It matters not what the realities are, they'll fucking argue with you about stupid shit until their wives or mommies make them get off the computer.  The story below isn't about someone like that.  It's about some normal folks like me.


Forever ago and once upon time (1999), I wandered into the internet confines of the USCHO Fan Forum.  Dean Talafous was coaching the Seawolves then and I was gut-bustingly frustrated with him.  I'd seen him quoted in the paper saying that the Seawolves had no real talent and that he had to implement systems designed to try to keep games tight blah blah blah.  Maybe he didn't really intend that negativity to get into the paper but if you're UAA's hockey coach and talking to Doyle Woody you can pretty much guarantee the quotes he selects for publication will be the most negative.  

So it pissed me off, I made a USCHO screen name called "AnyoneButTalafousNow".  Not only was it ridiculously long ... it displayed the sort of stupidity and reactionary attitude that helped define the words internet newb in fan forums.  Yes, I once was inexperienced and prone to unintentional douchebaggery.  And as anyone knows, only intentional douche bags are funny.  In any case, it wasn't long before some more mature and experienced UAA fan slipped me a message objecting gracefully to my ill-conceived moniker.  His points were valid and well-considered; so I became the now infamous (later to be permanently banned) "Drop The Puck".

All of that serves only as set-up for the story to follow.  Me being who I am, I don't really often back down from a confrontation.  I made some vague reference in the comments section within the last few weeks about being "anal expulsive" which if you clicked the link you would have learned that it's a Freudian term that can sometimes describe someone that is a bit of a rebel.  Yeah ... I don't like the rebel label really but whatev.  

So on USCHO, every week there is a thread created for the fanbases of each team to discuss the series between their respective teams.  Okay, that's not entirely accurate.  It's more like a thread for talking a bunch of shit at each other.  Me?  Involved in shit slinging confrontations?  Say it ain't so ...

Over time the fanbase for St. Cloud and I became well acquainted with each other.  And the inevitable betting over who's team would finish higher in the standings began.  When I lost the first bet, I doubled-down the next season.  When I lost the second bet, I doubled-down the next season.  Before long I owed a poster named "waterlover" as many Long Island Ice Teas as he decided were necessary to settle the wagers.  The problem with long distance bets (or perhaps the advantage) is that things like drinking bets are kinda hard to pay off.

Eventually (during the 2007-2008 season) though waterlover (Chad) and two friends made the trek to Anchorage and I was (gladly I might add) able to pay him off.  This is the short story of that long evening as best as I can recall and with as little exaggeration as possible.  This post from that weekend contains a mention.

We communicated as needed to meet up and if I recall correctly decided to go out on Saturday night following the game.  On Friday, Richard provided the visitors with the necessary amenities (free beer in the booster room) as is his usual good natured treatment of all visitors.  By the way, UAA lost that weekend 3-1 on Friday night and 2-1 on Saturday night in a game that they should have won.

We started at The Office Lounge following the game on Saturday.  They're the one place in town I knew didn't use a pre-mix for the LiiT's and of course they have the added and unique bonus of a rotating view of Northern Lights Boulevard and the fabulous Sears Mall.  The Long Islands came (as they should) in the large tumblers.  I recall paying for at least two rounds there.  I want to say three rounds but I promised to not exaggerate.  

If you don't know what a Long Island Ice Tea is let me tell you.  It's the ultimate alcoholic mixed beverage.  You start with an ounce of Vodka, you add an ounce of Tequila, then an ounce of Rum, then an ounce of Gin, then an ounce of Triple Sec followed by some Sweet and Sour mix and a splash of Coca Cola.  So um ... one of those bad boys is quite like 3 or 4 other drinks eh?

In any case, The Office Lounge with all it's obvious atmosphere wasn't exactly what three guys on a trip from St. Cloud to Anchorage wanted to do with their Saturday night so we exited and drove to PJs.

If you don't know about PJs let me describe it.  It's closed now.  The owner was caught selling cocaine to undercover cops both in the backroom of the bar and apparently at home.  All that stuff was in the paper last year.  In any case, it was a dark little seedy strip joint on Spenard Road infamous for all sorts of less than savory activities.  In other words, the perfect place for a guy like me.  Actually, it's just the closest decent bar to where I live and so it became a regular place for me.

We stayed at PJs until closing.  Without getting into too much detail just let me say that as a regular there, I knew most of the dancers on some level.  And no, I wasn't a purchaser of lap dances.  Well, maybe a couple over the years.  So anyway, we had a fair amount of feminine company at the table on and off and um .. the drinks were regular.  No Long Island's at PJ's though.  I'm pretty sure I switched to Seven and Seven's but I might have been drinking the dreaded Red Bull and Vodkas.  

I know I tried and was mostly successful at buying the majority of the rounds that night in order to feel like I honestly paid off the bet.  But, I'm pretty sure I didn't spend more than about $125 bucks so if waterlover ever comes back up or if I ever happen to get down to Mini-So-DUH, I feel like I have to buy him at least one more.  I should note that there are at least three other St. Cloud fans that aren't dicks or insignificant to me.  Husky Fan Roy, Tommyboy and Skeeterman.  I'll happily have drinks with any of them at any time and of course then TB's wife will properly take care of me.  Nudge, nudge ... say no more.

Anyway, as closing time approached though I ended up abandoning my guests unintentionally.  Let's just say that at the table there was some talk about a certain smoke-able intoxicant and I'd been pursuing that option as the night progressed in order for them to get the full Alaska experience.  

Sadly though near to closing time, as I drunkenly wandered back from the bathroom I was waylayed by the owners daughter to the backroom to indulge in the above noted smoking and failed to adequately get the attention of my guests for their inclusion.  My bad.

I do remember they wanted pizza and had inquired as to the best available.  I warned them against Sicily's but I'm pretty sure that's what they ended up with anyway.  When I came out from the mini-smoke-a-thon the three of them were gonzo and all the lights in the bar were on denoting closing time.  The end.

The title of this post reflects the heritage of the city of St. Cloud being named by some bumble from Maine who was obsessed with Napoleon's palaces.  Did you know the commander of the Mankato fort where 39 Native Americans were executed in 1863 was a guy from St. Cloud?

Perhaps the greatest pictue to ever come out of a college hockey rivalry ...

11 comments:

BBEF said...

Wow - I thought the strip club I go to was a dive. I stand corrected.

Anonymous said...

Donald Fan - Probably the only sex that guy wearing the UMD shirt will get.

Donald Dunlop said...

Ouch ... Chris (Drunk Hockey Guy - DHG) will be writhing in pain over that deep cut!

Anonymous said...

Is the head a buger king bag?

A Seawolves Fanatic said...

You guys have to check these vid's out:

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Video-Watch-Craig-Smith-abuse-a-goal-cage-cost?urn=nhl-285739

&

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcLGX5qvUcI

Runninwiththedogs said...

Lol. That tUMD fan has a hot wife who, at the time of the photo, was his hot girlfriend, so hmm.

Donald Dunlop said...

Anon@122,
I'm pretty sure it is indeed a Burger King bag. Home of the Whopper!

Anonymous said...

C'mon Donald! I thought I took the seawolves grief well last year, being the only guy on the chat for the game. I felt the love! bambam

Donald Dunlop said...

Bambam,
With my vague recollections aside and your grief recognized/validated ... C'mon what? I'm not following.

Anonymous said...

I got no love from the razzing I took last year? Just starting the smack!. bambam

BBEF said...

The BK eagle eye was mine - I was just in a hurry. Kinda sad that I know the BK bag as well as the back of some "girls" head...

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