There's Gold In Them Thar Hills

Fly away on my Zephyr,

I feel it more than ever,

And in this perfect weather,

We'll find a place together.

I figured I'd go with somewhat of an historical exposition of the the many and varied UND takes that I've presented on the blog over the last few years.  The posts below represent lots of the non-hockey talk that's gone on.  It's pretty damn long.  Sorry about that.

Anyway, this post is perhaps just a reflection of my laziness.  I will have hockey content of course later this week.  But hey, it's only Tuesday.  Click on the dates to link you to the original posts.  I'm telling ya now though ... there's gold in there.

October 18th, 2009

So by default; unless you're a Native American, if you live in North Dakota then you're going to get lumped in, stereotyped and/or disrespected by me this coming week. Aboriginal peoples are exempt because you and your neighbors have historically shit on them more than enough. Haven't you?

It's not going to be personal or anything. I'm not going to show up on your blog, facebook or twitter page and post your individual criminal history. I really have no idea about your personal character. You could be a fine upstanding buddist-temple-going moral equivalent to Jesus. I don't know. You could be a baby raper that graduated from SCSU. But in either case, this week you may feel personally derided by something I say here.

Of course, you shouldn't take it personally. You should consider the milieux of the college hockey blog world and allow that to moderate your anger. But you won't. You live in a craphole of a state and part of the result of that geographic misfortune is that the rest of the world quite properly views you as unreasonable and ignorant. And that judgement by the rest of us has colored you. It is shit that has stuck.

Your state has been defined as crap by our culture long before I found it funny to bash. Since it's impossible to retaliate against my geographic region (that means Alaska RuLEz!), I expect some of you will come here and try to lay down some smack on me personally. I guess all I can say is give it your best. I have plenty of confidence and a vocabulary that's extensive enough to make you look foolish. My publicly available transgressions against society have already been documented here so don't waste your time creeping through government databases in some attempt to "expose" me. Some other stalker beat you to that.

And from the comments ...

I'd imagine that there in Minot you and all your Anglo beer swilling buddies don't have a problem sitting out on your porch making jokes and laughing about the people who inhabited that region for thousands of years before your ancestors even dreamed of running rampant in pursuit of their Manifest Destiny.

But that isn't how I roll flatlander. See the difference between you and I is that I respect Native Americans. Both for their cultural additions to the United States of America and for their courage in enduring the heap of shit your grandfather, great-grandfather et al poured upon them in that area of the country.

The Lakota people probably would have been willing to accommodate your ancestors desires to utilize the resources of the Dakota's but your greedy fucking father's father's father wasn't. So he and other greedy fuckers murdered, tortured and repressed those aboriginals from way back when to the present.

That's right. Present day hostility and abusiveness toward the original Americans is a proud hallmark of North Dakotans today. You all vigorously defend your precious logo of a decapitated Native American and cling to a name that doesn't honor but instead mocks them.

Anon Dummy:
If they gave a PHD for "straw grasping" then you my friend (and by "my friend" I of course mean "idiot") would the the preeminent Doctor of Straw.

I'm sure you think the commenting process (in the case of this particular series) is some sort of contest of words. But here's the thing dummy ... which anonymous are you? You and I can't have a "contest" if you don't first ID yourself in some way.

It's simple. Give yourself any sort of unique moniker you choose. Use that to post here and you and I can have an all out war of words all season long if you want. You don't have to register or anything like that. You just have to choose the "Name/URL" option below and whatever name you choose will appear at the top of your comments.

Then I'll know "it's on". How about that? Here ... I'll be nice and suggest some names in case you have a total lack of creativity ...

1. FartKnocker
2. Smegma
3. PusExtrudingMaggot
4. SpunkSniffer
5. VacuousWasteOfSkin
6. OwnedByDTP
7. LooserThanACrackWhoreAtCrosstownLounge
8. LuvsGettingADirtySanchez
9. DirtyLittleWiperOfOtherPeoplesBottoms (<--- I stole that one)
10. Misanthrope

#10 would be my recommendation for you.

October 22nd, 2009

It's not relevant to include any of my text from this particular post since it wholly focused on the games to be played.  Nevertheless, it didn't matter that I limited the post to hockey; the North Dakota crazies showed up in droves.  Skip to the comments section to see what I mean.

October 21st, 2009

How many black eyes does this particular college hockey program have to get before they clean up their act? I understand that the only cops that attend hockey games at the Ralph is the school's police department. Beer is available throughout the arena. I understand there is a shit-load of underage drinking. I haven't been to the place, but I can only imagine the crowd is something like WWE meets MMA meets ECHL. There are few good options for those of you thinking about attending a game at the Ralph as an opposition fan.

1. Change your plans and don't go. Nobody will care if you don't go. They won't lose any money cos the joint is pretty much always sold out. But instead of quietly not going. Send a letter to UND and the Arena and explain why you aren't going. If enough people were to do so then you'd think that things would eventually get cleaned up.

2. Go. But sit on your hands and keep your mouth shut. This is what the locals want you to do. It's why the hooliganism and intimidation exists. The last thing the UND fanbase wants is to hear opposition fans cheer for thier team. This option will almost certainly allow you to get out of the place unscathed.

3. Go. And don't allow any amount of intimidation and/or hooliganism dissuade you from reasonably cheering from your team. Be prepared though to defend yourself. Don't turn your back on any UND fans. Get out of the arena first and walk backward to your vehicle.

4. Go. Be every bit as obnoxious and irritating as the shit-talking hooligans. And when the inevitable physical confrontation starts (history says it will). Get off the first real punch. Seriously. End it early. Knock the fucker out. If you don't then he's likely to do so to you (history says so) you're wrong. Just make sure you have these guys number in your pocket.

Make sure nobody associated with you makes any statements regarding the incident to the press. Don't talk to the cops until your lawyer shows up. After he gets you out of the pokey, file a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against the arena, UND and the city of Grand Forks. Don't include whoever you punched. It's not their fault that all those entities enabled them to be an asshole. And being an asshole isn't against the law anyway. Their price for being an asshole is the shiner you gave them. Be satisfied with that.

I recommend option #4 only to those of you with stalwart constitutions. The shit storm surrounding such a series of events would likely be draining. But the fact they sell so much beer and have such lax security in place would make this an easy case for a good lawyer. A good lawyer could also obfuscate the facts of the events well enough to get you out of whatever criminal charges might come or at minimum have the charges reduced substantially.

The long history of hooliganism and intimidation is however strongly on your side. See ... you had no choice but to defend yourself. The history of hooliganism and intimidation dictates that you'd do so. It's by no means a slam dunk to multimillions. But for the right person in the right situation ... it could be a bonanza of cash.

And from the comments section ...

I didn't encourage any violence. I presented the options that I could think of with regard to being an opposition fan and attending a game at the REA. I also don't think I lumped "all UND fans together" ... it was an exposition of the well documented history of the place which oddly enough includes UND fans.

I have deleted a number of ignorant crowing anonymous posts that had no purpose and/or added nothing to the discussion. It's simple to add an equally anonymous moniker to differentiate yourself from all the other anonymous crowing twats. Perhaps next time you come here you'll attempt to add something interesting or at the very least add some sort of ID to separate yourself from all the other sheep.

November 10th, 2008
Here's a list of things I'd rather do than be a Sioux fan:
Go to the party on the picture above ...
Rip my nose-hairs out by the dozen with needle-nosed pliers ...
Visit St. Cloud, Minnesota ...
Eat yellow snow ...
Rub cayenne pepper in the my eyes ...
Eat Lutefisk ...
Spend 10 minutes with that shrill harpee Sarah Palin ...
Lose an arm in a wheat thresher ...
Dance in the Badger student section ...
Drink the backwash from WCHA referee Don Adam's beer bottle ...
Attempt to perform fellatio on a Mandrill ...
Go to an appointment with the I.R.S. ...
Have a beer with Matthew Lesko ...
Spend 24 hours with Unabomber Ted Kaczynski in a 12-by-12 cell ...
Wipe anyone's ass ...
Have a root canal without the benefit of Novocaine ...
Lay on an anthill while covered in honey ...
Slide naked down a 60 percent pumice covered slope ...
Eat Chinese food prepared in a Mankato restaurant ...
Fight Kimbo Slice ...

November 10th, 2008

The astoUNDinly flat expanse encompassed by the borders of the state of North Dakota is inhabited by many more blUNDering fools that you might first imagine. No matter what the poor bastards do to enhance the almost nonexistent cachet of their geographic misfortune they are confoUNDed by the unceasing winds, lack of trees and embarrassing history. It is a conUNDrum for those in charge.

What is there to do in North Dakota? Other than floUNDering on the tUNDra completely dumbfoUNDed, I can't suggest anything. I have to imagine that the majority of the rotUND population is moribUND for most of their adult lives. I suppose all those negatives are part of the reason that Uncle Ralph's marble edifice glorifying the plUNDering of the aboriginal inhabitants is filled every weekend. There is absolutely nothing else to do. Don't act all woUNDed by my assertions that North Dakota is best suited for the UNDead. I'm a dirty rotten scoUNDrel in between loads of filthy laUNDry.

And from the comments section ... I had this to say ..

While their hockey team has dominated UAA in the past that was never enough to satisfy them. A year doesn't go by that some DUMBFUCK from North Dakota doesn't actually try to insinuate that their flat treeless fucking state has more appeal than Alaska. It is absurd. The payback of pointing out that absurdity is always too much for them to handle. If I make some asswipe's head spin with something I've said here ... then good on me.

I didn't contribute to 150 years of repression and bigotry against the native peoples of North Dakota. But my awareness of the rampant racism against indigenous people in that state means I'm going to point it out. They are the ones actually defending the use of "Fighting Sioux" claiming it "honors" those people when it fact it dishonors and dehumanizes them.

January 23rd, 2008

Grand Forks and Fairbanks both have a lot in common. They both have descriptors in their names which are false. There is nothing "Fair" about the "banks" of the Chena River as it winds through that town just as there is nothing "Grand" about the "Forks" of the Red River. Apparently, the forefathers of each of these 'bergs knew that the towns would need something to make themselves feel better about themselves.

When a group of students figured out that "Flickertails" was a wimpy name as compared to their rival at North Dakota State (the Bison), they rectified it by adopting the name of a group of humans who were masters at killing the Bison. Insecurity at work.

But let's face it; the state is completely and entirely nondescript. There's nothing of significance in the whole state. South Dakota has the Black Hills, Mt. Rushmore and Wall Drug. Minnesota has 10,000 lakes, 50 times more people, and the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Montana has Glacier National Park, the Big Sky and men who are fond of sheep. North Dakota has um ... what? The fewest number of trees per square mile on the western hemisphere of the planet? The ever-present unabated wind?

And from the comments section of the above post ...

Dear Crap-Throwing-Monkey in Brown-Cloud-Town:
You are an hilariously ridiculous representative of the Susie fanbase. Everytime real Sioux fans read anything on the Internet (and really ... I mean ANYTHING) that you've written they first throw up a little in their mouth, then they cringe before finally getting on their knees and praying that god will immediately RAPTURE your vacant ass to be by his side.

MeanEgirl said...
Donald, let it be known here and now that I love you.

Suck on that  ^^^^^^  Biddco!!1!!1!

January 24th, 2008

I guess I'm left with the exact same method that the early American pioneers used on their great westward (Manifest Destiny inspired) push. They raped and murdered the aboriginal peoples they happened across at every opportunity that arose. Rape and murder are certainly quicker methods than any of the previous ideas. I say the Seawolves give them a try.

Naturally, I'm using the terms rape and murder as metaphors for plastering every Sioux player in view to the boards (i.e... raping them) and burying the puck with extreme prejudice (i.e... murder) at every opportunity.

Give them a lesson in physical play that the fans in the Ralph will never forget. Rape them. If the Seawolves do that, then the chances for murder will present themselves and it's just a matter of pulling the trigger, burying the knife and cinching the garrote.

The comments section on the above post is particularly juicy with 61 of them.  If I recall correctly I had to delete no less than about 30 really vile ones from that weekend.  It's also the first time that I was both threatened with getting beaten up and had my personal court history dragged into public view.  And oh yeah ... my personal court history is traffic tickets and some financial bs.  Nothing criminal.  Anyway, here's a couple of my snippets from that string.

Try to wrap your insufficient brain around the fact that I made the post as an indictment of using Humans as nicknames/logos. YOU believe it's ok to do so because your ancestors almost wiped an entire race off the face of the Earth with your mandate from Yahweh to spread themselves west across the frontier. 

The continued use of symbology stolen from a subjigated race of aboriginal people is a RACIST act. Supporting that use is RACISM by proxy. North Dakotans should be ashamed of the way they've treated the Sioux peoples for the last 200 years. And rather than sticking them on reservations and creating pandering miniscule programs to educate them, you all ought to be do something substantial to alleviate the ongoing suffering that your presence on their lands has created.

Until North Dakotans quit with their hubris and eliminate the grotesque symbol of a decapitated aboriginal Sioux warrior then there is little hope that they will ever take the necessary steps to right 200 years of wrongs.

Your brain would likely be minimally adequate for the survival of a newt. How it possibly managed to become sentient enough to compose words is as much a miracle as Jesus Christ walking on water. The fact that it apparently became cognizant enough to type something just a bit higher than gibberish is something to be congratulated. But then again what you've really done here isn't much more difficult than when the rest of us wipe our ass.

Of course my post meant to twist panties. That's what this whole "fandom on the internet" thing is all about. I too once was less than enthused about taking any side particularly with regard to the NCAA/Sioux logo/name controversy. Until the dearth of illogically passionate but insipidly stupid arguments for keeping it coming out of GF changed my mind.

November 13th, 2006

The unabated westerly wind builds momentum from the eastern edge of the Rockies across the great plains to constantly bombard the folks of Grand Forks. It's a condition that no doubt requires some acclimitization by the fine citizenry of North Dakota. I'm not sure how they accomplish this necessity. Obviously, not everyone down there does.

So that's pretty much it for my non-hockey related interactions with UND fans.  Go to the links and read some of the astoundingly stupid shit that some of them posted and I actually didn't delete.